Saturday, February 2, 2008

When it rains...get a new bumper sticker.

Yesterday, after ten years of service to our family, my beloved purple minivan Iris, died. She gave us a wonderful ride in Philadelphia/Delaware area last weekend. A trip to Trader Joe's and Total Wine. IKEA. We were looking to replace her in probably two months, but on the way home from the grocery store yesterday she decided to take destiny into her own hands. In a torrential downpour, she started bucking as I was getting off the exit ramp about 3.5 miles from my house. I would have pulled under the overpass and let her sit there, but I had neglected to take my cell phone with me that day. (This was pure idiocy on my part--driving a minivan with over 201,340 miles in a downpour. I wasn't tempting the car gods there, was I?) I managed to get Iris to cough and sputter to a gas station where I called for a ride from my trusty friend Marsha. Not some little repair: I had no reverse gear and the car wouldn't go above 30 miles an hour. I heard a choir of angels break through the clouds and say, "It's the transmission!" I was just glad it happened at a convenient time without kids in the car, and in a place convenient to our house.
So, as luck would have it, my in-laws want to buy a new car and already had their prize picked out. We are buying their old one. Under-employed artist/writers can't really be choosy in this instance, but I am lucky in that their 2003 van fits our family's needs and lifestyle. Plus, a minivan is good for me as an artist, hauling my paintings around. The "new" car is washed and waxed with a CD player and power everything that my previous car lacked. I guess my left arm will probably atrophy now that I don't have to wind the window down, but buying shirts will be easier now that both arms will be the same size. And quiet? I can actually hear the radio when I am driving on the highway.
So here's the thing. I am looking for a new pithy, non-political bumper sticker. My last bumper sticker read, "Well-behaved women seldom make history." That bumper sticker suited me to a T. But I am willing to see what else is out there, and I am open to all suggestions. Lay them on me in the comments section or send me links to possibilities.

Update: I've been checking out the possibilities:

Don't make me call my flying monkeys

You'd be like this, too, if they dropped a house on your sister.


Techno Pagan. I workship the holy Mother Board (This one is funny because my husband is a techie Geek.)

Goddess on the loose (I like this one, but have to remember that my husband will be driving this occasionally.)

A woman's place is in the house. The White House.

You just got passed by a mom in a minivan.

If you ate pasta and antipasta would you still be hungry?

Come to the dark side. We have cookies.

If my husband is the computer geek, why am I the one multi-tasking?

Study art and logic. Learn to draw your own conclusions.


Phoenix Touch said...

I have never been one for bumper stickers. That is, until last October. Then, for some reason, I just HAD to have one, or rather, two. Mine say: "I believe in Magic" and "Yes, I am a witch. DEAL WITH IT." I laugh every time I see them and I love the varied reactions I get while on the road.

Jill Althouse-Wood said...

I am actually thinking of getting a couple of bumber stickers and putting them on magnets so I can change them up. Keep people guessing.

french toast girl said...

The first two cracked me up, but I also like the multi-tasking and "draw your own conclusions" ones.

kj said...

I love the "study art and logic..." so much that I added it as a signature in my email!

Bonnie Blitz said...

"Time and trouble will tame an advanced young woman,
an advanced older woman is incontrollable by any earthly force." - - D. L. Sayers

Jill Althouse-Wood said...

A fellow creative journal writer gave me this suggestion--which I love.
"One must still have chaos in oneself to be able to give birth to a dancing star."

Shannon at said...

I sell two bumper stickers that I think are really funny, perfect for minivans:

"I will never drive a minivan"


"I used to be cool"

If you are interested, they are at, along with a bunch of cool shirts and a blog and a forum and some other nonsense.