Afraid of the dark

I cheated. I posted yesterday's post this morning. We had a power outage for 5 hours last night that made it impossible to log on and post. I was running around all day yesterday. First was my 7 hour trip to New Hope and back. I got to share nachos with a friend of mine. We caught up about jobs and families as we sat in the empty Mexican restaurant. Later she accompanied me to the gallery and boosted my confidence by being there. I came home and was off again to my daughter's dance class. We got home from that, and I was making dinner when the power went out. The turkey BLT's were done, but the broccoli soup was still in its ice cube form. We ate our sandwiches by the light of 20 candles. Then, we went out to look at the stars, unobstructed by the lights from neighboring houses. After that, I tried to read, but I must have been allergic to one of the candles, because I had an allergy attack. Took medicine and went to bed. But alas, I don't know if was my active day or the allergy meds, but my mind was racing in that high-octane anxiety kind of way. Most of the anxiety was aimed the fact that I am going to have to paint under pressure. I have never done that before. It was like a boogeyman in the dark. Luckily for me, my daytime mind is not quite as anxious as my nighttime mind. I'm going to work out some ideas for paintings this week and start fresh on Monday. As my friend Marsha says, "Not fearful news--but exciting news."

Fear factor

I am painting again, but for the first time ever, I am doing it with a sense of urgency. Get it done before my show. Make it something saleable. I have to hang my show at Moon Dancer Winery later this month.

On Tuesday, I am going to speak with a gallery manager about my work. She will help me price it and hopefully give me insights into the local scene. I am nervous. I have accepted that my writing is finding a place in the world, but I don't know how comfortable I am putting my art out there as well. Am I crazy? What made me think I could launch a solo exhibition two months after a book release? And why would I want to? Am I really ready for the good opinions of others? It has been over 17 years since my senior thesis show at the University of Delaware. And to be honest, that was something I threw together at the last moment to satisfy my degree requirements.

I got the postcards for my October exhibit in the mail yesterday. I think they look great. I guess I need to take a breath and jump in. It will be a new learning experience for me. I just have to trust that I can handle what comes my way. And really, what is the worst thing that can happen? I am showing my paintings at my favorite winery in Pennsylvania. Crisis in the presence of a glass of Moon Dancer Meritage, a slice of Gouda, and live jazz? All life should be so difficult.