Mortal Mom writes. . .

Snack attack

2010-01-21T07:44:00.003-05:00

From Nicholas Kristoff to food, I read another NY Times article--this one about about snacking and what has become a national obsession. Over Christmas, I grumbled about all the place I had to bring "a snack". After about 10 different venues, I almost cried one night when a church member asked me (last minute) to bring a dozen cookies for coffee hour. It is true, I could have just picked something up at the store, but even that can be hard when the closest store is 5 miles away and my grocery dollars barely stretch anymore. I wouldn't feel so bad about contributing if I felt the snacks were necessary, but there seems to be so much waste. I signed up to bring cheese and crackers to my daughter's art show only to get there and see table after table of cheese and crackers. They put half of it back for the second half of the show. The show was from 4-7 PM. Was nobody going to eat dinner? My daughter goes to a small school, so the same small pool of parents (mainly mothers) were going to be or had already been called upon to bring dinners for the theater production week, concessions for the play, treats for the holiday party, and desserts for after the music concert. All of these events happened within a month of one another. For approximately 40 kids, there were about 10 mothers who donated snacks for the holiday party--in addition to the subs the kids were getting for lunch. Add to that the snacks we bring to Sunday School, which is an hour long--after which, the kids rush the coffee hour table of treats. Why are our kids overweight?
The article cited the demise of the family dinner (anyone who reads this blog knows how I consecrate that holy of holy hours), the guilt of busy parents, and the overscheduled child who needs nourishment to get her through piano lessons followed by gymanstics lessons.

I ask all you committee chairs, if you are in charge of snacks for an event, think about it. Are they really necessary? Do you need 10 parents to bring snacks or will one snack--perhaps a dozen clementines--fill the need? Consider your plan for leftover snacks. Can the bag of pretzels be kept for the next concert in two weeks? I thank you in advance for conserving our food, my family's dinner appetites, and the oft-assailed energy of mothers.

Connected

2010-01-21T07:16:00.003-05:00

I just read an article by Nicholas Kristoff in the NY Times about Haiti. I went to see Kristoff speak this fall at F&M college. There is a compassion element in his reporting that I find refreshing and invigorating-- in spurring me to action in a way that other reporters fail. I trust his answers because he has done his homework and travelled to the places he speaks about. I have travelled, but not extensively and very little has been international, but I fall into the "God bless the whole world--no exceptions" camp. The United States is a big country. You could travel all over and see so much, that going outside its borders isn't really necessary. Only 30% of Adults in this country even have a passport. Forget other countries, people don't want to seem to want to leave their own villages. In the area where I live, it is not unusual to find adults who have never been to New York City--a three hour drive by car. That is a travesty.

In this day of easy transportation and Internet access, the world is getting smaller and we as Americans need to familiarize ourselves with it. We can't afford to stay in our little boxes. In this tragedy that is Haiti, I am thankful for my neighbor Marsha who opened my horizons. She has done missions work in Haiti. She has shared photos of her experience and introduced me to citizens of Haiti, one of whom is a med student in Port Au Prince. Waiting days to find out if Richard survived (he did, but he lost everything) has made the experience so real for me--just as knowing I had a college housemate living in New Orleans during Katrina. Maybe it is time to reach out to more people, places, and experiences. It reminds me that we are all human and all connected.

Orange Hummus

2010-01-20T18:50:00.003-05:00

Working on my new orange-hued facebook was a frustration--especially the marathon session I did on Tuesday. I barely moved from the laptop. Then I realized I had to make something for Maren's lunch. Gone are the days of ham sandwiches with the new pescetarian regime. So I set out to make hummus, which I have done before. I decided to go with Mollie Katzen's Orange Hummus recipe from her Enchanted Broccoli Forest cookbook. Oranges are in season, and I had some on hand. So after a whirl in the blender, a few slices of veggies, and packaged bagel chips, I had lunch for both of us. I admit I tasted it right away. That was enough to know I could barely wait until noon the next day. I needed that small triumph after my day of frustration. So today, Maren came home and, unprompted, told me that the orange hummus was amazing. Click on the link to see the recipe and judge for yourself. It a little bit of sunshine in this winter haze.

New Website

2010-01-20T15:44:00.003-05:00

After several yearly attempts, I have finally replaced my old website with a newer one. I am not a web designer. Code gives me a headache. I can design a mean brochure or business card, but websites are another animal. I wanted to update mine to make it feel a little more classic, simpler to update, and believe it or not, I wanted to get away from all that purple so my artwork could stand on its own. My artwork is really the reason I chose this particular template. (Here is where I confess and put in a plug for www.freewebsitetemplates.com. I needed a starting point, and they provided it.) So, please, take a look around the new site. If you find any glitches, let me know, but be gentle with me.

***No actual tears were shed in the making of this website, but hair was pulled and painkillers were swallowed.

Pescetarian

2010-01-04T15:14:00.003-05:00

My daughter is starting her new diet today. She is becoming a vegetarian who eats fish. She is also becoming a flexetarian, which means that if there are no other options, she will eat some meat. She began down this road after a joining a 5th grade club which talked about organic and healthy eating practices. Since that time, she has boycotted McDonalds, Burger King and the like. Recently, she had a health class lesson at school which made her consider this diet. She is twelve, so we had to do some research. We want to make sure she gets enough protein. And now that the new year is here, we are helping her to embark on her lifestyle choice. The family is going to eat her diet for the first week. After that, we are going to try to cut our consumption of meat and chicken, but we are not going to give them up. There is a movement called Meatless Mondays. I generally serves at least on vegetarian dish a week. I am hoping to up that to 2-3 times a week. Meatless Monday sounds like something I'd like to try, but if it becomes too inflexible, I'll take my meat out on other days.

Maren's meals (an mostly mine, too):
Breakfast: spinach, shallot, bleu cheese fritatta with Orange, banana yogurt smoothie
Lunch: Vegetable sushi, apple sauce, brownie
Snack: Laughing cow cheese and vegetables
Dinner: Nine Gem curry over jasmine rice with garlic naan. (I'm going with Trader Joe's Korma sauce and adding tofu, raisins, cashews, beans, cauliflower, potatoes, carrots, onions, and tomatoes)

Last Celebration

2010-01-03T17:50:00.004-05:00

The last of the holiday parties was yesterday. My side of the family. I think it was too far away from Christmas. I was ready to be done with parties, but so happy to gather with my family. I have three favorite traditions with this gathering. One is the family slide show. My brother Jed puts together a show from all of our digital photos. It has a great soundtrack, too. The grandchildren (my kids and their six cousins, ages 1-15) have a book exchange. I think this is the 5th year. Really works out well. They are all readers and have enough in the way of toys. The last tradition is for the adults: my brother, his wife, Mark and me. We always watch an irreverent movie. This year was The Hangover. In the past it has been 40-Year-Old Virgin--movies like that. Not our usual fare, but we laugh when we are all together. It was a great holiday season, but now that we have had this party our holiday is finally at a close. I am ready for some normalcy.

Recipe for the day: Butterscotch Krimpet Cake When we were little, my brothers and sister and I gathered in one of our bedrooms at 5 AM on Christmas day and had a pre-party. We weren't allowed to go downstairs until 7AM. We always had Tastycake Krimpets at our party. This year, I made this recipe for the holiday gathering. A trip down memory lane.

New Year's Fireworks

2010-01-01T11:15:00.005-05:00

I am a Pisces, water sign. If I had to characterize 2009 in terms of my wateriness, I would use the word 'frozen'. I accomplished some things, but no real flow in the areas that I consider priorities--especially in areas of career and health. I lived in my head a lot, dreaming up elaborate strategies for the time when things would be more settled and I could get down to business.

So, 2010. A new decade. Trying not to put too much pressure on myself didn't work last year. I work best under a little pressure. I need to add a little fire to the pot in the form of action. Hopefully it will get the water flowing again. Year of the Tiger coming up on February 14. It seems a good year to explore passions, spirit, moving energies.

Last night, in spite of frozen rain, we went out as a family to celebrate the New Year. On the way home, shortly after midnight, the rain seemed to be subsiding and a big firework explosion lit the night sky. Just one. But sometimes, one spark is all it takes. Happy 2010! May the new year ignite possibilities and change them into realities.

Recipe for the day: Rachael Ray's Buffalo Chicken Meatballs perfect for colleg football party

To blog or not to blog

2009-06-09T16:21:00.002-04:00

The impetus for this blog was to give readers a change of scenery every time they came back to my website. And to give them a reason to check my website for new paintings, workshops, artwork. After a year of working as my daughter's home facilitator (she finished her first year of cyber school)--among other other distractions, I have little to show in the way of art and writing. After a year of economic hardships, my workshops have come to a halt. It is a decision I have made because I have put a lot of effort into my workshops only to have disheartening cancellations.

So that leads me to my blog. Do I stop updating because there is nothing new for me to promote? Is there a reason for these musings beyond a little harmless exhibitionism on my part? Do I have something of importance to give--something that can't be found elsewhere.

These are many of the questions swirling through my brain. Part of me wants to forget the whole creative experiment and get a job somewhere. Doing what? It seems I am at a crossroads. I love to write and to paint, but I am paralyzed by economic realities. Do I do that thing for which I feel I have a gift even if my payday may be years away? Workshops were helping to ease that conundrum. I could do a few here or there and feel I was adding in a small way to the outside world of trade and jingle a few coins in the family pockets.

The title of this post is to Blog to not to Blog a play on Hamlet's existential crisis. Crisis. Crossroads. I am there. What is at stake is not physical life, but the artist life. Should I stop the blog and concentrate on my arts, until I again have something worthy of a new website? Last weekend I picked up three paintings from a gallery in New Hope. I have two galleries who want to see more of my work. I have an agent who wants some writing. If I show them the goods, will they show me the money? Is this what I am about? If it is what I am about, then should I just get a job with a paycheck? To be continued. . . or not.

Arden, Delaware

2009-06-09T16:08:00.003-04:00

A few weeks ago, Mark and I were invited to stay in the community of Arden, Delaware for the weekend. This is a community that was set up as a stab at Utopia under the heading of the single tax. In the years since its founding, it attracted many artists, free thinkers, and civically minded people. How can we describe the visit beyond saying that we both looked online at real estate following our weekend there?
The weekend didn't start out too well. Mark was supposed to get off work at 12. He told me to meet him at his workplace because he was already halfway to Arden. I met him, but he didn’t actually get out of work until 1:45. I was not a happy camper and neither was he, so we started out our weekend a little on the aggravated side. But we did hit Chaddsford winery on the way down and got a few sample pours to help smooth the edges before arriving at friend Cynthia's place. The cottage where we were to stay and her property in general were adorable. Something out of a fairy tale--Snow White, but with a better design sense. After visiting with Cynthia in her garden over drinks and snacks, she called up all these artists who lived in the community—spur of the moment—and asked them to let us see their studios, which they did with an abundance of hospitality. We also took in a play. Footloose. Mark and I felt a bit guilty about going to a play that didn’t feature our daughter or any of her acting chums. It felt wrong to go to get tickets where we know nobody. Turns out the guy playing the Reverend in Footloose played Max with Maren in Sound of Music. We stalked him after the show. Even more funny—he was the roast beef carver for the dinner theater. We didn’t recognize him when he was carving our meat.
The next night we went to a community dinner. They have them every Saturday night. BYOB. Community announcements. Their community is so charming. So walkable. We explored every niche, and just about every trail. We took our picnic to a rock in the stream in the woods. We had subs from Capriotti who did some of Biden’s Inaugural feast. Thanksgiving on a bun: Turkey, mayo, stuffing, and cranberry sauce. Our other sub was hot pastrami, cheese, Thousand Island dressing, and coleslaw. We washed it all down with wine. I hope we can take the kids there to see Shakespeare in their dear little 100 year old 100 seat outdoor theater. Jonah is getting his first taste of Shakespeare this year and he LOVES it. And you already know of my little theater girl. We also went on a home and garden tour on Sunday.
All of this left me questioning what it was I want in community. Arden, Delaware is a heck of a place to start that conversation.

Honest Mother's Day Reflections

2009-05-11T10:00:00.004-04:00

This one is not going to be sappy. I've done that past Mother's Days, so I've given myself permission to be a little snarky.

* The main reason I like Mother's Day is that I can do anything I want and not feel guilt. I realize that part of this equation is me allowing myself not to feel guilt, and I can choose that any day I want. But I read a novel, mostly lying down, partly while sipping limoncello. I think it is the same feeling my husband must get while watching the U.S. Open on Father's Day. With my limoncello, I had crackers with goat cheese and pepper jelly. I realized as I was snacking, quite satisfactorily, that I had made the limoncello, the goat cheese, and the pepper jelly. I patted myself on the back. It is one of those accomplishments that only I can appreciate. I mean seriously, what kid or husband ever says, "My wife/Mom makes the best pepper jelly."

* On Mother's Day--I can have the last word. Here again, I could assert myself more on other days, but I choose not to for whatever reason. But on Mother's Day, I am given this pass, and I feel empowered. It makes me a little sad that this only happens twice a year--my birthday being the other occasion. This latest instance really makes me want to stand up for myself more. We have a little game in our family. My daughter was born on an odd date; my son on a even. So if there is an impasse of sorts, an even handed dispute to be solved or a an extra cookie to hand out, we bow to the "favorite" of the day as determined by whether it is an odd or even date. (There are more odd days during the year, but my son was an only child and favorite for three years before his sister came along.) My husband was born on the 28th, and I was born on the 21st. I am beginning to think I should be granted "last word" status on odd days.

*The kitchen fairy comes more often on Mother's day weekend for which I am most appreciative. (The kitchen fairy cleans the kitchen after Shiva as Chef is done with the place.) I still cooked (made my mess), but that is because I don't want to relinquish control of my kitchen and meal planning. We had Chicken Marsala over polenta with steamed broccoli.

* Saturday night Mark says to me, "I wanted to get you a plant or something that you can look at more than just once like a bunch flowers or card on Mother's Day, but I didn't know what to pick out. Do you want to ride to the greenhouse and pick out some flowers?" Guys, if you are thinking of saying this--DON'T. This is what I heard, "I didn't get you anything yet. Do you want to go out and buy your own present?" In Mark's defense, when I told him I wasn't interested in running out to the greenhouse, he did go himself on the sly and buy some perennials. I don't need a present, per se. But I do value it greatly when someone has thought ahead and planned something. It makes a person feel cherished and appreciated. Last minute arrangements (and I am not immune to this behavior) reek of obligation instead of endearment.

*We went to J. Maki winery. On Mother's Day and Father's Day they are selling their world reknowned champagne (They call it that even though it is a French designation) by the glass. The champagne was good but there was no fanfare for the event. No table to sit outside and enjoy. No music. We should have gone to Moondancer Winery which has the ambiance--but in my opinion, their burgeoning popularity has encouraged them to release wines that aren't quite ready. Mark did take me to the winery on my request--he had never been there-- and we enjoyed sitting on the stone wall overlooking the vineyards and sipping our Blanc de Blanc and Blanc de Noir. A nice experience, but I am sure that for Father's Day Mark will just want to stay put, smoke some ribs, pop open a local beer, and watch the U.S. Open.

Wonderful Good Market

2009-04-25T10:46:00.004-04:00

They are just about to break ground on a strip mall, the first in our local area. Included in that plan is a Giant Grocery Store. I was mildly excited about this because our local grocery store is a hard place for me to shop. It has been stepping up the effort to get new products in, but often they don't know where to put them. The organic food ends up in no man's land next to seasonal things like water pistols or pumpkin buckets. And the new cheese island is filled with more kinds of processed cheese-ish products than I ever thought possible. And they aren't open on Sunday. I realize this is an issue of religious beliefs. I respect that, but I also respect my desire to sometimes make a grocery run on a Sunday.

Here's the thing--an even better option opened up today: Wonderful Good Market. I live near Stoudt's Brewery. At the complex they not only brew fabulous beer, they have a restaurant, a bakery, a village of shops, and an antique market. Now they have a farmer's market and cheese-making facility. I am the queen of cheese, so I am in heaven. The operation is bare bones at the moment. Cheese will come in a month or so, along with a deli, olive bar, organic frozen dinners, farmer's produce, meats and dairy. But they have the bread, a line of organic food, Pennsylvania maple syrup, free range eggs. One of the owners stopped me when she admired my market basket. We started talking about everything from cheese to yoga, to my workshops, to Radiance (a store we both love and the place I bought my basket.), books we read. By the end of the conversation, we were so excited by our aligned interests, we just gave one another a hug. With any luck, my supermarket days are behind me. Heck, I may even apply for a part time job. (How often do you hear me say that?) I just want to be a part of it all. I am that excited.

Opera for Broccoli

2009-04-25T07:26:00.004-04:00

What a beautiful day. I just went outside to look at my garden. Stuff is a sproutin'. Radish, fava beans. I replaced the cruciferous plants the bunnies ate and I surrounded my garden with a little human hair. It is supposed to keep away the invaders. So far, so good. The morning was just so alive and the air smelled so fresh. I just wanted to sing. I didn't, but I played opera for the seedlings and sprouts and plants and the bunny who was eyeing me from the neighbor's yard. (It was that kind of a morning.) Maybe I'll install some speakers out in the yard.

Recipe redux

2009-04-24T09:56:00.004-04:00

My Friday morning indulgence is Grey's Anatomy. Husband is off to work. Son is off to school. Daughter is not up yet to start cyber school. Alone with the remote control. At some point in starting or pausing the show, I saw a clip from Good Morning America. They were showing off the week's worth of meals to feed a family of 4 for under $15 a meal. Is this hard? It's a rare night when I don't cook for my family. I be willing to bet I do the limbo under that $15 pole with regularity and dare I say...finesse. I think it is funny when magazines and TV shows proclaim, dinners under 500 calories or dinners that are good for the environment, or dinners that save you money, or dinners you can make in 30 minutes or less. Each of these tasks is a no-brainer. Want to impress me? How about a dinner that is light, filling, healthy, environmentally friendly, quick, cost-effective, AND that kids and grown-ups alike will love. (Doesn't quite all fit on the cover of a magazine--does it?). But basically, we the meal mavens weigh the pros and cons of each dinner we make against all of these standards. It is science, math, artistry (and at my house it often also includes a social studies lesson thrown in for sport). Let's add poetry. Haiku? Check out this Twitter user (Maureen) whose entries are complete recipes in 140 characters. She was featured in the N.Y. Times. Maybe it is all novelty rather than substance. But I love the spare minimalism of it all. Steps and ingredients are scaled back (which often translate into savings of $ and time). Chef's intuition is a must. I am thinking of trying the rhubarb upside-down cake, the Stout ice cream, Saffron Asparagus Orzo, spicy tofu. It's fun. Makes cooking into playtime. And in an economic recession, we all need as much joy as we can get.

*While I was a little harsh on GMA for their $15 menu story idea, it did help raise awareness of and increase donations for the food bank, which is another thing of joy.

Free the Chickens

2009-04-22T13:34:00.005-04:00

I see progression on my walk. Fields being planted, livestock relocated, trees felled, streams melting, buds, buildings going up. One day on my walk I noticed a new platform on wheels. The next walk it was enclosed in plastic--Conestoga wagon style. I thought the farmers were going to sell plants for Easter. Then I saw boxes and shelves inside the sheltered space. HMM? A moving vegetable stand? I did not expect what I saw next on my walk: dancing chickens. That is what they looked like, running in and out of the covering, clawing the fields for food, talking to one another. Had the farmer been out that day, I would have rushed over and started talking to him. I had read about these gypsy chickens and the health of field eco-systems from reading The Omnivore's Dilemma last summer. One of my top recommended reads, it detailed how farms used to be more savvy in using animals and plants as self-contained eco-systems. The chickens eat the bugs that feast on the cow patties. They leave droppings which leave the pasture in better order so the cows can have better grazing land. One farmer profiled in the book, had a moving chicken coop so he could rotate it over the pasture and make his farm a healthier organism. I have a lot of farms nearby. Family farms, not big agri-business. I have seen crop rotation, animal raised along-side crops to better enhance the fertilization/feed cycles. I have even seen rotting citrus fruit dotting fields as a way to get acid into the soil. The Pennsylvania German population which make up a good percentage of the farming community has had a better than average reputation as being good stewards of the land since they came to the county in the early 1700's.

I was thrilled to see the practice of roaming chickens as described on my walk. And I was sad when I went for a walk one day and they were gone. The farmer and his family own a lot of land, but I thought I could see most of it on my walk. Where did the chickens go? Did he sell them? I got my answer today while running errands. In a nearby field, stuck between houses, I saw my chickens frolicking once more. I vowed to visit them after running errands. (They were a lot more energetic than the orthodontic assistants I surprised on their lunch hour. Going in for a new container for my son's retainer, I found them all napping in the chairs.) I was happy to get back to the chickens. Surprise. The farmers, father and son, were with them. I talked to the son. They have about 250 chickens. They are happy critters, who don't exactly want to stay in their pasture. He is working on that. They just started laying eggs. Ten yesterday. They will be sold at a premium at the produce stand a mile from house. It opens in late May. I can't wait! I wanted to ask more questions--What kind are they? Will you be selling meat? I got a bit shy. So did he. I wanted to take more pictures. I will eventually--now that I know where to find them.

Earth Day Daring

2009-04-22T13:15:00.004-04:00

Happy Earth Day. I got a happy earth day email from my friend Regina. She wished me enjoyment and care of our sweet earth. Some of my earth day activities included going for my usual 4 miles walk, buying plants for my garden, finding out where and when I can buy more plants from Happy Cat Organics, signing up for online banking to use less paper, reading about safe cleansers online, taping Oprah's special on saving money by going green, stopping a farmer alongside the road and asking him about his new project of free range chickens and where I can buy the eggs (more on that later), and stopping for an ice cream cone. (I ate the container. No waste!) Small things--but all today. My other new and earth-friendly practices of continuing to cancel catalogs as they trickle in and composting are ongoing.

In addition--20 things I am glad to have done. 2009

2009-04-22T12:59:00.002-04:00

1. Had both a son and a daughter to teach me all sorts of lessons.
2. Had a baby at a birthing center with no drugs; home the same day
3. Ran a marathon.
4. Wrote a few novels.
5. Got one published and reveled in the book signings.
6. Planted a garden
7. Visited some great American Cities: New Orleans, San Francisco, Chicago, San Diego, Dallas to name a few
8. Taught some classes on art, writing, journaling, LIFE
9. Traveled to Europe (England and France). Thanks, Nate.
10. Visited Disney World and Vegas. Two places I thought I would hate and ended up loving. (I bow to you, Kathy.) And visited California wine country. One place I knew I would like and I was right.
11. Researched my family tree
12. Been interviewed for newspaper, radio, and television.
13. Rode some rollercoasters in spite of my fears and aversions.
14. Watched my brothers and sister become parents
15. Engaged with other women in a deep way with spiritual work/group dynamics.
16. Started my own website
17. Painting my paintings and the art shows that followed.
18. Experienced the magic of Moondance (my friend's summer retreat) with family and friends.
19. Read over 60 novels out loud to my children.
20. Gained some great friends. Actually, the month I wrote the first list is the month I met 4 of our best friends of all time.

20 things I am glad to have done--written in 1996, age 27

2009-04-22T12:54:00.003-04:00

1. Had a baby
2. Got married
3. Went to a foreign country (Canada and Mexico)
4. Learned to knit. (Thanks Darcey and Karen!)
5. Made salsa
6. Visited New York City
7. Traveled in a airplane
8. Made my prom gown
9. Grew my hair past my shoulders
10. Hosted Thanksgiving
11. Floated on my back in a swimming pool during a lunar eclipse
12. Pulled off a surprise party
13. Fixed a flat tire
14. Ate sushi
15. Graduated from college
16. Took music lessons
17. Gave a speech in public
18. Camped in the great outdoors.
19. Learned some French
20. Saw a President in person (Bill Clinton)

Taking a whale for a walk in NYC

2009-04-21T15:19:00.005-04:00

I already said I went to NYC and saw my first Broadway show. I guess the reason I haven't gone to shows is that I'm always at the museums. The occasion for this show was my son's chorus trip. They've gone in the past years, but we never went with them. Jonah brought the papers too late or finances were an issue. (They always want the money around the holidays.) But this was his last year to go, so we went and saw Phantom. Of the choices, I would have picked Lion King, but Jonah wanted Phantom, and it was his trip. The musical was in the afternoon, which left the morning in NYC open. We were being dropped off at 10 and had to eat and be back to the theater by 1:30. What to eat? What to do? We could go to a museum, but that would leave little time to see much and we'd still have to pay the $20 admission. I suggested walking to see the renovated Grand Central Station with its shops and restaurants. I also suggested walking up to Central Park. I tried to get Jonah to participate in this pre-trip planning. The most I could get out of him was that he would like either pizza, a barbecue joint, or chili for lunch.

I thought the excitement of the city would wash over him once we got there. I was wrong. Once we were actually in the city, Jonah was sullen. I don't like big cities. UGH! I used an analogy with my mother-in-law telling her it was like trying to walk a whale around NYC on a leash.

He eventally agreed to Grand Central Station after my iPhone indicated it had a bookstore. So I started walking quickly in the direction of the station. Jonah plodded behind. At one point I almost turned around and told Jonah to keep up, but then I had an A-HAH moment. Why should he keep up with me? This was his trip. We weren't pressed for time. I slowed down to his pace. It was hard. I like to walk fast. But I tried to look around and really absorb the city rather than getting ot my destination. Later, we opted for brick-oven pizza across the street from the theater. (Never my choice but I was able to get my favorite topping--eggplant.) I don't know if Jonah knows how I struggled to let him have the trip his way. Maybe he doesn't even think it was his way.

Day later, I heard a radio interview about mindfulness and how parents always rush their kids. I am terribly guilty of this one. It talked about present moment and teaching moments. The best way to show kids the power of now (a la Tolle) is to let them see you as a parent be totally immersed in the moment. If by totally immersed in the moment they mean running around like a crazy person shouting, "Let's go, we will be late! MOVE!" then I have it covered. I think I even rush my kids when we are ahead of schedule. Mark is the same. So, we have some work to do when it comes to teaching our kids to be in the moment. I think for me, it'll take a few more walks around the block with a whale on the leash.

Checking the list

2009-04-21T14:50:00.006-04:00

A while ago, let's call it mid-nineties, I wrote a list of things I wanted to do in my lifetime. Not quite a bucket list. I only had 17 things on the list with room for more.

1. Visit all 50 states. I am at about 28 states (a few more if you count sitting on an airplane in an airport). I may just get another one this summer.
2. Travel over an ocean. check
3. Publish something. check
4. Paint a mural. check minus. I did paint a small mural in my daughter's bedroom. Not sure if that is what I had in mind, but it is cute.
5. Perfect Salsa. check. Had a great batch this summer.
6. Own a log cabin. Not yet. The Little House on the Prairie dream is still alive.
7. Write a novel. check.
8. Teach a class. check.
9. See a Broadway Show. check. And the reason I am blogging. I finally saw my first Broadway show on Saturday. You would have thought that would be an easy one.
10. One year, make all of my Christmas gifts. No, and I really have no desire to do this one. I am taking it off the list.
11. One year, make none of my Christmas gifts. I think I am taking this off my list, too. I don't think I really have ever had a year where I didn't make something, however small.
12. Learn to dance--for those slow dances at weddings. Haven't done it. Can't say I am chomping at the bit to do this one, but never say never.
13. Get a professional massage. check.
14. Take a cross-country motorcycle trip with Mark. I have no desire to do the motorcycle thing, but a cross country trip with Mark and/or kids intrigues me. We have done a 10 state, 10 day, 40 hour-in-car trip in 2000 with kids ages 3 and 5. I think that was pretty gutsy and fun.
15. Have a foreign exchange student. One of my biggest regrets is not doing a semester abroad in college. I guess this is to make up for it. We haven't done this yet, but I could see it happening. Conversely, I'd like to see Maren and I setting up shop in Paris for an extended stay, Jonah and I in England touring castles, and Mark and I in Italy.
16. Make clay pots with Mark. No. He was taking a ceramics at the time I wrote this list. I guess I got a romantic notion. My daughter is taking a class now. In our living room, you will find an example of ceramics by each of the four of us. It would be fun to take a family ceramics class.
17. Make a quilt. check. It is a lame quilt, but it fits the definition.

It isn't on here, but I thought for sure that run a marathon was on this particular list. check.

I think I am going to have to make a new list of 20. But that is for another blog. Also, at the time I made my original list, made a list of 20 things I was glad to have already done. Again--another entry.

Cob Studio

2009-04-15T10:47:00.005-04:00

A few weeks ago, my daughter had a long play practice, so Mark and I took in the sites. We went to Terrain Garden Center which is a real treat for the senses and unlike any garden center I have ever been. Go for a whole day with a bunch of girlfriends and make sure to lunch in their greenhouse. Mark and I also hit Chaddsford Winery for a barrel tasting. This is probably the most well-known and one of the best wineries in PA. I especially like their select vineyard Chambourcin wines

But, like I said, the play practice was long, so Mark and I didn't stop there. We capped off our experience by attending an open house at Cob Studio, a ceramic studio built in cob construction (the only of its kind in PA) about 4 years ago. The place as an aura of enchantment. It is bigger than it looks with meandering earthen shelves, a wood stove guarded by handmade tea cups, and an organic form that makes it seem as if the whole structure grew out from the ground like fungi. Quite hobbit-like, with reclaimed windows and colored bottles set playfully in the earth, hay mix. The place of whimsy houses ceramicist and holistic health counselor, Cara Graver. It is where she gives classes, has tea parties, hosts organic suppers parties, and creates her own work. My daughter is taking a ceramics class this year at her school. I'll need to get her there over the summer to see the place and perhaps create. Maybe I'll bring my mom along too, for the tea and scones. No website for the place, but Cara does have an email list. The Cob Studio 1281 Green Lane, Chester Springs, PA 610-469-9509.

Although our entire Sunday experience was fun, we saved the best place for last.

Hail storm

2009-04-15T09:58:00.003-04:00

We had a bad hail storm recently. I had taken a picture of a tree on one of my walks. The next day it was gone. I am glad I took the time to notice it.

Latest Breakfast craze

2009-04-15T09:49:00.003-04:00

I have a new breakfast thing going. Bob's Red Mill 6-Grain hot cereal with flax seed. Make it in the microwave. Add a splash of milk. Some blueberries. I could add honey, but I add toasted coconut which seems the most decadent thing in the world. I refuse to look at the nutritional information of the toasted coconut. It is helping me get my anti-toxins, omega-3's and fiber. I actually have started craving this now. Pretty good for someone who is usually in muffin mode.

I have also started taking vitamins with breakfast. I don't know what the results are. Perhaps I'll never know. I am looking for energy and if it can help focus my brain, keep me healthy, help my joints and help me live a longer more productive life, so be it.

Still drinking my 16 oz of coffee. Black. Thought about giving it up for some sort of tea. Seems more spa-like. More in line with a morning yoga practice. I don't know. I recently gave up all sodas. I was drinking about one coke zero day at lunch time. Wanted to be done with chemicals. We'll see. I'm not on some drastic health kick, but if I can make a few gradual changes, it may be worth it.

Site redesign

2009-03-24T10:23:00.000-04:00

I am thinking about redoing my website, but feel I don't want to devote my life to do it. I've dsicovered www.easysite.com. Don't know if it will work for me, But I love the concept. HMMM? Anybody with any experience here?

Soul Pancake

2009-03-24T09:58:00.003-04:00

I was listening to an interview with Rainn Wilson of the office. He was talking about his Bahá'í Faith. This is a religion started in Persia in the 1800's and, at the risk of over-simplifying, has as a basic tenet, the unity of major world religions. I am somewhat familiar with people of this faith, as many of them, without a presence nearby, have chosen to worship at our church, Unitarian Universalist Church of Lancaster. You might correctly infer from the name of my church that unity is something I believe in too. The world is getting smaller. Multi-culturalism is the result. Unity makes sense to me. Domination of one culture over another or one religion over another--not so much. So you can bet that I was listening to the interview and nodding often.

Rainn said that Bahá'í has many names for God, but this is true in most churches. God the creator, God the redeemer, God the merciful. But Rainn mentioned one name in particular. God the fashioner. This is God as artist, designer. I have taken and taught a curriculum in my church which is called, You the Creator. It focuses on the creative process which is a mirror of God as creator. Rainn went further to describe creative work as prayer.

This isn't new. I studied a bit of the work of German Idealist Philosopher G.W.F Hegel who claimed that art, along with religion and philosophy was a primary means through which spirit was manifested.

Often when I write or paint, I am so "in the moment" that I cannot help but to think that I am a puppet of or a magnet to spirit energy, completely bypassing the intellectual and emotional realms. Call it what you want: prayer or meditation or lifeline. There is something to all these claims that creative work is sacred work. Rainn Wilson started a new website for dialogs of spirit and art--without the woo-woo factor. www.soulpancake.com Check it out.

The Pink Side of the Mind

2009-03-12T14:49:00.004-04:00

Have you heard about the book The Whole New Mind by Daniel Pink that Oprah gave to each member of the graduating class of Stanford? I heard an interview with him recently, and it made me want to run out and buy a copy of the book for each member of local school board. In this economy, I just bought a used copy for myself.

A description of the book from Daniel Pink's website ...
"Lawyers. Accountants. Computer programmers. That's what our parents encouraged us to become when we grew up. But Mom and Dad were wrong. The future belongs to a very different kind of person with a very different kind of mind. The era of "left brain" dominance, and the Information Age that it engendered, are giving way to a new world in which "right brain" qualities-inventiveness, empathy, meaning-predominate. That's the argument at the center of this provocative and original book, which uses the two sides of our brains as a metaphor for understanding the contours of our times."

In the interview I heard, Mr. Pink reasoned that any jobs that can be mapped out in logical sequential steps (such as technology, accounting and some forms of law practice) are the jobs that are being shipped to Asia. The U.S. of A. is entering a new economy in which a new set of skills will be necessary. He outlines the main skills (the six senses) in his book. These include play, empathy, big-picture thinking among other things.

Ironically, the traits that Pink espouses will be important for a healthy economy and successful job search of the future are exactly the kinds of skills taught in art classes, classes that are being cut out of school curricula at a faster rate than folks cutting out cereal coupons during Our current economic downfall.

I am not going to kick the accountants and other left-brained thinkers while they are down. They are not dinosaurs by any means. I have always advocated a whole mind approach. Though it may seem like I am a right-mind cheerleader--it is only because society has put down creative thinking with disempowering labels of flakiness and woo-woo. In order to achieve balance, I have had to stick up for the creative, non-verbal, non-linear hemisphere. Take back your woo-woos and give me an R!

I am still awaiting my copy Pink's book. I ordered it days ago. I am sure I will more to say when I actually read it. (I am anticipating a lot of AMEN, Brother Pink!) But for now, I wanted to personally go on record as saying: I think our country will soar if traditionally left-brained thinkers add some of these new skills to their repertoire, and if traditionally right-brained thinkers (who, out of survival, have already acquired left-brained skills) are valued for their gifts.

My son is entering the high school next year. With that comes a whole new focus on future careers. I am so glad that this book and the Johnny Bunko comic accompaniment have crossed my path at this time.

Coffee, Tea and Me

2009-03-11T13:18:00.005-04:00

I am precise in my coffee drinking. 16 oz a day. I need to do it that way so my caffeine is regulated--or I get headaches. At home I drink it black, but in the world I have been known to add cream. I like a dark roast mostly but I have been known to enjoy a few offbeat and limited number of flavors: coconut, blueberry, southern pecan, pumpkin. For the last 2 1/2 years I have been making coffee with my single cup Keurig machine, but now that I am getting into composting, I am trying to get over the waste of the cartridges. I am going to be using more of the individual filter and try my hand at making French Press coffee each morning.

I do seek out cafes for coffee. I love Dosie Dough in Lititz, Wyomissing, and Lancaster. Before my workshops at Radiance, I have been known to stop for coffee at Prince Street Cafe. I love their mugs. White and squared off. They fit in my hand. The outside rim is square, but inside is round. Somehow this is comfortable to my coffee-sipping mouth. At home, I have a menagerie of mugs. I tend to choose them for my mood or to match my pajamas. I especially like my lavender grid mug (gifted to me in 8th grade by my best friend) when I am wearing my lavender polka dot night shirt (gifted to me by my college roommate).

But this week, I found mugs at Ikea that are similar to the mugs at Prince Street Cafe. The only difference is that the lip is completely round. I tried them out this week and love them. Call me crazy, but I think the coffee tastes better in them. I am a girl who loves white dishes, so even though I will miss my dose of morning color, I like these. I guess my other mugs will be relegated for my decaf afternoon tea, Earl Grey or Lemon Ginger. For some reason I like a big chunky mug of tea, but prefer my coffee in a sleeker cup. But here is the thing. It feels a little like my religious life. Searching for the best possible experience before settling in and making it my ritual--a ritual to add meaning and launch me on my path.

Walk--on the Wild Side

2009-03-11T13:13:00.003-04:00

Since getting my iPhone, I have renewed my walking practice, but just in the last two-three weeks, I have revved it into high gear. I used to vary my walks and runs. Lately, I have been walking the same 4 miles (which is actually 2 miles out and back) and doing it daily in an hour's time. It has become a meditation of sorts. The terrain is challenging and the views are wonderful. I don't always go at the same time of day, but I am really studying the route. I watch the way sunlight changes the view. I notice when the farmer tills the soils, bringing up the black bulging earth. I watch the way the green is trying to push its way into the landscape. I notice baby goats. The flow of the stream--or not-- in the case of ice. The smells, some good, some foul. I notice if I get tired at the same point in my walks or if I am getting stronger. I notice the litter. I have come to realize that if I stop and nod at a cow or sheep, they will nod back to me. Sometimes I take pictures of the cows. The birds are in pairs now--flitting around. I saw cardinals, blue birds, robins, morning doves, and something small like sparrows or finches--brownish.

Yesterday I looked out of the fields. They were yellow brown with just enough green trying to come through that the color seemed to pulse. Against this backdrop was the Amish schoolhouse. The children were playing and most of the girls were wearing bright purple windbreakers and lavender skirts which really popped against the wanna-be chartreuse of the fields. I wanted to take that pictures, but felt it a little disrespectful. I feel like poetry should follow, but I am still taking it all in.

Updates on my little bits of social action

2009-03-10T13:32:00.005-04:00

I am coming to this place to keep myself accountable. I thank anyone who is reading for helping in that. Most of these things are items I said I would do. I just need to say, "I did them." Helps me to feel pride and move on to further action. Feel free to post your own ongoing action--nothing is too small. We need to inspire each other and keep each other going in this time of flux and opportunity.

*Still eliminating catalogs as I get new ones. As they come in, I go to catalogchoice.org. I have even been doing this for the catalogs I do like (Today I got Title Nine and DharmaCrafts--both of which I love) because I don't really need to be spending right now and if I have money to burn, they do have a presence online.

*Refurbished the dirt in my square foot garden (SFG). Put a grid in place over it. Strung my trellis. I am ready to go on this SFG project. Hubby took down the kids wooden swing set. I am going to convert the spot under it to a new SFG bed. Mark took the platform off the top of the playhouse. We are converting that into a stage for Maren, our actress.

*Started composting. Bought a kitchen composter with a carbon filter (for smells). Bought a 32 gallon round plastic garbage can (no wheels) with animal proof locking lid. Mark drilled small holes for air in a grid pattern. Each hole about 4"apart, on the sides. I am alternating my brown and green layers, watering to damp sponge wetness, and rolling the bin once a week. We shall see. Composting is what I promised to do for the "I pledge..." campaign.

*I have scheduled a paperdoll workshop with kids and their mothers at the local shelter to fulfill half of my Starbucks pledge to give 5 hours of service.

*Wrote letters to my PA congressmen and the PA Secretary of Education to ask them to support the reinstatement of PA Governor's Schools for Excellence. I couldn't be at the rally in Harrisburg today, but my heart is there.

Studio to-do

2009-03-10T09:41:00.007-04:00

I put off cleaning and organizing my studio as long as possible, but I was inspired by a few things--the Clutterbugs on Oprah, The book View from the Studio Door, and Spring. Maybe something else, but I can't think what it might be right now. Anyway, I knew I wanted to get my supplies--especially my painting and workshop supplies in order. Here is a view of two of the walls. I am thinking of turning my closet into a sewing nook, but that has yet to happen--and might not for a while. Sewing just isn't a priority--though I did recently spend a couple of hours in a sewing store, for fun. But, I am coming out of a rut and this do over has really made me feel good. To think--it only took me a day to accomplish and according to the odd paperwork I found in piles on the floors, I'd been putting this off for over 6 months. I reconfigured my filing system and even cleaned out my email in-box. I am feeling pretty slick right now and that almost anything is possible.

You'll notice a pillow on the floor under the desk, next to files--bed for my pug. He doesn't like it. He'd rather be in the way of my rolling chair where he has a view of the door--but I tried.

You'll also notice that I left out the embarrassing before pictures. I do have enough room to now lay down a yoga mat and do yoga if I so desire. Also, in the corner directly behind my desk chair is the painting station. That is still not optimal yet. I need better lighting, a corkboard, to remove the clock, and get my table set up the way I want it. At the moment, it is just an easel and the end of my sewing table and a few taped up pictures. Hopefully it will be coming soon.

I am thinking about making every Friday, a clean and organize day. Maybe. It sure felt like a good way to start the weekend.

Demise of PA Governor's Schools of Excellence

2009-03-01T11:59:00.004-05:00

Economic hardship. Budget cuts. I understand that we need to make hard choices. Our state education system just cut the leaders of tomorrow out of the budget. Gone are the Pennsylvania Governor's Schools for Excellence: five-week, boarding summers schools for students of promise. (High school students need to apply, audition, interview etc. to be accepted into these prestigious programs.) It cost about $2.7 million to run the 8 programs that make up the schools: Agricultural Sciences (PGSAS), Arts (PGSA), Global Entrepreneurship (PGSGE), Health Care (PGSHC), Information, Society & Technology (PGSIST), International Studies (PGSIS), The Sciences (PGSS), and Teaching (PGST). Once again, mediocrity rules.

This is devastating to an educational climate that is already prejudiced against achievers. No Child Left Behind has been great in getting kids who are just shy of the middle line to raise their scores--so necessary for schools to keep their funding. This is where teachers and administrators and school boards are concentrating their efforts (often at the expense of arts programming--another of my gripes). But kids who naturally do well on the tests are getting the shaft. Why concentrate on helping those kids fulfill their potential when they can be left on autopilot and meet expectations held by the state? If I haven't be vocal on this issue, it is because I am busy supplementing my own kids' education by taking them to museums, watching documentaries, reading to them (yes I still read to my kids, ages 11 and 14) and getting them involved in extra-cirricular activites.

Alice Sebold, author of The Lovely Bones and herself a past student at PGSA says it this way:
"How, in a nation that idolizes its infants and children, can we find it acceptable to abandon them on the cusp of making their dreams - dreams that will be greater and more important than our own - become realities?"

The Pittsburgh Post-Gazette Editorial 'Scandal for Schools' says this in : Why cut great programs for the best students?' published on 2/7/08, "America needs super-achievers to scale the heights as much as it needs underachievers to meet firm standards. Nothing is more important to a nation lagging in science and math and seeking to stay internationally competitive than to encourage a culture of high achievement among its youth."

I am biased. I spent two summers at the Pennsylvania Governor's School of Arts: one as a student going into my senior year and one as an assistant instructor just graduated from college. It is not an understatement to say that this program changed my life. In many cultures, youth are sent out on a vision quest. PGSA was mine. I spent the summer with other kids who were at the top of their game in the arts and teachers who were dedicated to catching my attention while they had it. No sweating for grades. We were in this for the pure experience. In my summers at PGSA, I made jewelry, sculpted, learned improv, saw my first independent film, learned to draw in a new way, wrote poetry, learned to knit, learned sign language while teaching deaf students, read some great new authors, attended dance and theater performances, learned about art history, took leadership training, and learned photography skills. And here's the kicker--only about half of that was part of the curriculum. The other half happened as a result of hanging around other creative kids who were blooming in this environment.

A year after I went to PGSA as a student we had a reunion where two alumni were given awards for their leadership over the past year. What had they done to take the arts and the experience of the school back into their communities? The competition was steep because these kids were on fire. I didn't win. Didn't even come close, though I had done much upon my return including helping young kids write, produce, and create a puppet show. In an era of arts funding cuts, this kind of leadership is a real boon to the community. And the loss of it, is devastating.

I am personally going to be writing letters to my PA state congressmen (Mike Brubaker and Tom Creighton) in the hopes that this program is one of the first to be reinstated when our economy gets up and running again. We cannot afford to ignore our brightest scholars. My kids are entering 9th and 7th grades next year. My hope is that these schools are back in time for them to strive to earn the title Govie.

If you give Jill some venison...

2009-02-27T11:16:00.002-05:00

You will get chili, roasted venison loin with potato celeriac gratin, creamy mushroom stroganoff over egg noodles, a spicy tomato ragu over rigatoni, bologna slices spread with goat cheese, Guinness game pie, and Southern fried chipotle steaks.

If you give a mouse a cookie...

2009-02-27T11:06:00.004-05:00

If you give Jill some goat's milk, she will have to make chevre.

If there is cheese, there is leftover whey.

If there is leftover whey and a few overripe pears, Jill can make oatmeal pear muffins.

If there is still more whey, Jill can make Imbolc bread.

If there is leftover flour and yeast and still more whey, Jill can make indiviual crusts to freeze for a future pizza party.

If Jill has pesto frozen in her freezer she can make a yummy cracker spread with goat cheese, to take to a party.

If Jill has some dried lavender from her garden she can roll goat cheese rounds in it.

If there is more lavender than goat cheese, she can make lavender sugar for use in lavender poundcake with lavender whipped cream.

If there is more lavender sugar leftover from poundcake and still more whey, Jill can mix up a batch of fairy pancakes.

If you give Jill some goat cheese, she will make a mess of the kitchen.

Ted.com

2009-02-19T11:29:00.004-05:00

I have just discovered Ted.com. Pretty fascinating stuff. I have been uploading audio on some of these talks to my iPhone to listen as I go for walks. Some of the stuff is best with the visual, but this talk by Elizabeth Gilbert is a keeper. I don't have time to look through all the stuff on Ted, but I will come here occasionally. If any of you find some interesting spots, let us know in the comments section.

It also makes me wonder--if I had to give an 18 minute talk for Ted, what would I say?

Another lesson from the mat

2009-02-19T11:15:00.002-05:00

My yoga practice is has helped me in more ways than just physical. And even more than just the inner peace. There are a lot of metaphors in yoga that work in life and here is one that I am beginning to assimilate. I am a pretty inflexible in my muscles, especially hamstrings and legs. Stretching is important to my health because the strength and inflexibility in some of my muscles can throw me out of balance--as my lower back can attest. So I have always tried to stretch in a way that was ultimate--go until I feel resistance and then go until I feel more resistance. The harder I stretch, the looser I'll become, right? Recently, I've been taught another approach. Don't stretch to your limit. Stay just inside of it. Then stay with the stretch. Breathe into it and observe how your body relaxes naturally into the pose. This has worked wonders with hip stretches. I can see the uses of this practice in life. Sometimes I try soooo hard to make something work. Over-exert. Use up my energy stores trying to push a brick wall (which is what my hamstrings feel like at times). But if I back off a little, I can find that the impediment with loosen and give way. I am seeing how this can work with my writing, my relationships, parenting. While I have yet to put this to the test, I am really looking forward to seeing where I can go with this.

Intro to Labyrinths

2009-02-19T11:09:00.006-05:00

I have talked about labyrinths before and my experience with them. But if walking a labyrinth is not practical or there isn't one near you, here is a virtual way to get acquainted with the meditative practice and possible uses. I would still recommend trying to find a labyrinth to walk in its physical form. Click here to find a labyrinth near you.

Looking back, looking ahead

2009-02-12T16:53:00.004-05:00

Looking back, I wonder if the tone of my ten entries is a little preachy. Maybe. Not done yet. I really am optimistic about this world and don't feel the need to be apologetic about that stance. I don't think it is big ideas and actions that are going to free us from current economic climates. But we all do need to do our part. I am bothered by the country's consumerism. My house isn't exempt. I could point fingers particularly at my husband and daughter. He likes new electronics. She can't go into a store without wanting to spend money. I am not an impulse buyer, but that doesn't mean I don't buy things I don't need.

I am really trying to cut down on my consumption. Not just of food and meat. But paper. I canceled our phone book, the freebie paper that gets thrown on the end of our driveway once a week, and many of the catalogs we get. I've used the back of used paper to print out items such as directions and coupons. These are small steps, but they feel right.

Just One thing

2009-02-12T16:34:00.005-05:00

Recently I attended a ritual in which participants were asked to write an intention for the coming seasons on a small piece of tissue paper. The paper was then crumpled to the size of a pea and ceremonially planted in the earth. This was to signify the planting of our intentions that they may flourish and grow with the seeds of the earth in the coming Spring. What to write. Focus on one thing? UHM? Let's see. Lose Weight? Balance my books? Take care of clutter and overflow in my house? Care for the environment? Use all those new art supplies I have been buying and actually create something?

I felt overwhelmed. But I also felt like all this stuff had to be connected. It was! I was able to write an intention that encapsulated all these things.

I intend to appreciate, conserve, care for, and share the physical bounty I possess.

This may seem broad and a little corny. But think of the application. If I put this into practice all of the aforementioned issues would disappear. It's worth planting the seed.

Square Foot Gardening

2009-02-12T16:23:00.003-05:00

Already contemplating the garden. I produced the most stunted produce last year. Not only do I want to compost to save waste from going in landfills, but my soil needs improvement. I have a book called Square Foot Gardening by Mel Bartholomew which is probably my favorite gardening book. I just found out he has a new version of the book. I like his ideas for easy and organized gardening. The basic idea is 4'x4' raised beds that are subdivided into 16 one foot blocks. Plants are planted according to the density best suited for them. One eggplant in one block. But maybe 16 carrots in the same size square. You get the picture. I have a variation on this with an L-shaped bed that is 4 foot wide. Next year I hope to have actual 4' square boxes as prescribed. One change in the old book to this book. In the old book, you dug down deep in to the soil and to the soil you removed, you added many things. Put it back into the raised bed (6"). In the new book, you remove sod, put on weed blocking material, lay your frame over and fill with vermiculite, peat moss, and compost---all bought. No fertilization needed. Each year, you just add your own homemade compost. I like the idea of this. The ease. But part of me wants the romance, the groundedness of eating vegetables grown in my local soil. Is it really local produce if all the soil is imported?

Limp in, Walk out

2009-02-12T16:07:00.004-05:00

I have been doing a walking meditation called a labyrinth for years. I have posted on it. Love it. It settles my mind and keeps my body occupied. Generally when I walk the path of a labyrinth I try to imagine letting go as I walk toward the center. In the center, I try to center. DUH! Be in the now. One with all. Experience the Godlight. Got it? Then I allow this spirit to swell and fill me as I walk out. Well, the last time I walked the labyrinth was the beginning of February. I forgot my agenda, and low and behold, I had a bit of a transformation. I am a spiritual person, but I don't often go into my journey with others. It is personal. What I do reveal is generally the stuff of the surface. I am not going too go deep here, either. These are quick sketches I am writing. But during this latest walk, I hit pay dirt and went to a new level in my consciousness. Some issues broke open for me, and I began to see things with a new sight. AH-HA moment. Lightbulb. Just some issues I have been working on since childhood cleared up for me a little. Nothing I would normally write about. But on the way out of the labyrinth, I heard a little voice say, "Now that we got that settled, how about the knee?" I had been having quite the time with me knee since November. All kinds of pain. Limping. Pain that moved around so I couldn't really explain it. Popping noises all the time. It clicked. It froze up on me. Pain on stairs. I iced it. Took pain killers. Did every thing except go to the doctor. I was waiting for the holidays to be over. Then I was waiting for the new insurance. Then I was waiting for my sis-in-law to get her knee done so I could ask her questions. Well long story short, the knee hasn't bothered me since the labyrinth. I remembered what a healthy knee feels like. Today I was doing deep squat after deep squat in Yoga. I've never experienced anything like this in my life. The bothersome thing? Now that this has been so miraculously overcome, I wonder why my whole life can't be WHOOSH the way I want it.

Oprah's Best Life

2009-02-12T15:57:00.003-05:00

I tuned in for Oprah's Best Life Week. It seems I need a kickstart in all areas. Where to start? But especially since my 40th birthday is upon me, I especially was paying attention to health matters. So this is the way of it. I know I need to lose weight. The Best Life Diet seems intuitive and reasonable to me. And I am easing into it. Gathering resources and information. I am not procrastinating as much as I am taking things slow. I have started a new regimen of vitamins. I got my eyes checked and am sporting bifocals. I really like them--no problems adjusting. I scheduled a mammogram. I will schedule a physical. I was going to schedule an appointment for my knee which has been bothersome for far too long, but I didn't for reasons that will become the subject of another blog entry.
I am investigating nutrition in ways I never have before. I am about ready to eliminate white breads and flours from my diet. I just need to plan out meals I love to get me through the transition. And I have been walking an hour a day on most days (weather permitting). When I do yoga, I have been taking it to a new level. All in all, it has been small slow changes. Nothing so radical as a diet, but as I enter a new decade, I want to do so with care and an eye forward on how I can optimize my future decades.

Still loving the iPhone

2009-02-12T15:50:00.003-05:00

I can go for a walk, stay in contact with the kids, have emergency contact, listen to music and podcasts, text or write myself a note (often a walk will clear my mind and allow me to remember something important that I want to call to mind when I get home), and take photographs of nature and things I observe. Plus I can map my route and see how far I've gone and approximate calories consumed. Now, all of this depends if I am out for true exercise or mental escape. But the iPhone is great tool for me to hone my intent. If I want a hard session, I listen to my iTread workout. If I need to think, I can put in a meditation tape. I can use it to learn with podcasts. And if my walk gives me artistic inspiration I can take pictures or notes. I can even check the weather before I go to make sure I am dressed appropriately.

I Pledge and Starbucks

2009-02-12T15:40:00.003-05:00

I got swept up in the spirit of the "Be the change" and the "Yes, we can" attitudes that pervaded the inauguration. Would I have done so if a new Republican administration had inspired these ideas. I'd like to think so, but I can't be sure.

Anyway, to answer the call put forward by Ashton and Demi and their "I pledge" campaign, I have pledged to start composting this year. So far, I have been doing research, but I hope to put this into effect starting next month. It has always seemed a little intimidating to me--having to get the mixture just right to created the proper chemical reactions, but I am going to start.

And to answer Starbuck's call for 5 hours of volunteer work, I am going to do some workshops with the local domestic violence shelter. I have done this before, but in light of my present commitments to my volunteer work with the Lancaster Literary Guild, I had not planned to do any workshops in the near future. Still it feels good to be putting an extra effort out there. Times are tough, and I want to help get this country on its feet again--even if my efforts are small ones.

Green Tara

2009-02-12T15:25:00.003-05:00

I didn't make any New Year's Resolutions this year, but I am beginning of journey learning about and working with energies of the Green Tara. She is a female Buddha associated with (among other things) compassion, enlightenment, success in the workplace, liberation from fear. I am not a Buddhist, so I don't want to step on toes with my year's quest. I taught a survey course of Goddesses from around the world this past fall to a group of extraordinary women who are still gathering to meet and share energies. I chose one of the figures we studied and decided to take my personal study to a deeper level. I am experimenting with meditations and mantras. I have experienced many different kinds of meditation over the years, but have not built a practice. It is ongoing. I probably won't have much to say until I come to the end of my year, but I'll put it out there as intention.

Inauguration of Barrack Obama

2009-02-12T15:17:00.003-05:00

I didn't even blog about the inauguration??? You know that Obama gave his acceptance speech in Grant Park where I finished my one and only marathon. It was thrilling to see the landscape of my biggest challenge in the spotlight. Well the inauguration conjured other memories. Mark and I got engaged on a picnic beside the reflecting pool at the Lincoln Memorial. And I just finished reading a book on the Lincoln marriage. So all the Lincoln references felt personal to me. That's not even beginning to hit what I felt about Obama taking office. In a lot of ways I felt healed. I didn't expect that. But I have been feeling sorry about my race's treatment of other races. I didn't realize how I had internalized all of those messages until the moment Obama arrived. I feel proud and awakened. I am not saying that he will be able to cure all ills with a magic wand. But I finally have someone in office I can respect. I couldn't say that about Clinton. I don't know if I have ever really felt that as an adult. I am looking forward to seeing what happens. But YEAH! President Obama did sign the Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act. I did a dance. Would that it have been in effect when I was in the workplace.

Time again for ten new posts

2009-02-12T15:13:00.002-05:00

I can't believe I haven't posted yet this year! My goal was to design a new website in January. Perhaps I was waiting. I think I have the homepage designed. But I am working on a template. It is hard. I have forgotten all that I know about designing a website. Why must I reinvent the wheel each time. Any web designers want to volunteer to come up with a real stripped down site? I just want something simple where my artwork will provide the visual focus. I need to get this done so then my artwork may once again be my focus. It isn't any fun writing about NOT MAKING ART!

Market Baskets and iPhone

2008-12-27T09:11:00.005-05:00

I have often remarked about my Little House on the Prairie ideal vs. my husband's Star Trek ideal. This year, I relished in giving books and market baskets. His big gift to me and himself were matching iPhones. I am used to getting tech gifts from him. That's fine. Something I wouldn't give myself. I tend to buy Mark more books than he can read. (I was good this year and only got him a subscription to Runner's World.)

Now part of my LHOTP wistfulness is a wish for a simpler time. Self sufficiency, community participation, direct contact with the food chain. I am not a technophobe, but what bothers me about technology is that I constantly have to update my skills--especially after I have managed a degree of proficiency with the old technology so that I can work it with the fluidity of muscle memory instead of brainpower. The other thing that annoys me about gadgetry is that I have to live in a state of dissatisfaction. I can never be happy with what I have; I must be constantly alert for updates, in both software and hardware.

Now I must backtrack a bit. I've been carrying a big purse lately to accommodate my day planner, journal, books, etc. I also tend to carry my market bag with current projects or books. But this past week, I have suffered a bad back. I do long for simplicity, but being confined to a sofa with nothing to do but explore iPhone applications, I am beginning to see that simplicity can come in many forms. If I set myself up right, I could be carrying one tool for use in/as navigation, diet log, calendar, grocery list, wine guide, phone, iTunes, pedometer, knitting patterns, address book, email, flashlight, clock radio, reading books and articles, diary, personal trainer, surfing web, art gallery, meditation timer, and restaurant locator. It's like the Swiss Army knife of life. If it could function as a corkscrew, I could probably be set for life. WOW! Now all of this will take a bit to set up, and a bit longer to be comfortable with it. I am going to be very hard pressed to give up my paper day planner, but I think that bad back will prevail, and I will at least try a paperless version.

For some time, I felt that maybe technology and subsequently my husband were at odds with my values of simplicity, but I think I am beginning to see what gains I can make in my life.

1. Going paperless will save on resources. No more printing maps and directions
2. I won't expend as much energy looking for all my stuff and cursing myself when I forget it.
3. I can further save on space by downloading books--something I am not eager to try, but with dwindling bookshelf space, I must think about.
4. One device to plug in. One power cord to keep track of.
5. In sync with my hubby.

So, I may at times give commentary as to how I am doing, making the iPhone a tool for my life, instead of making my life fit the phone. I've already thought of an application I have yet to see: Produce stand/local food source locator. Can someone get on that? I need to fill my market basket.

Gifts I like to give

2008-12-17T10:01:00.004-05:00

1. Books. Hands down number one present to give and to receive. Mark is a techno-geek who reads one book a year. I probably buy him two books a year. He buys me things to plug in.
2. Cookbooks. I know this is a sub category. My poor brother-in-law gets the brunt of this gift because he the only person within my gift-giving circle who cooks. I have been known to get people who don't cook some cookbooks. My husband has received books on biscotti and breads and sushi. He has expressed a desire to make those things, but it seems more of a pipe dream despite my overt encouragement. Last year, I gave me mother-in-law a cookbook that came from a restaurant in her hometown of Marshall, Michigan. She knew the family. So that was appropriate.
3. Art and journaling supplies. What can I say? It is who I am.
4. Personalized stationery. Okay, so snail mail is going the way of the dinosaurs, but kids especially still like getting mail. They like seeing their name on things. And hey--I'd like to think that the Thank You note is not dead. (Although I do tell recipients of this gift to save their stationery for fun letters.)
5. Baby rings. I started a practice of giving my neices and nephews rings for their first birthdays. The boy rings are cool--made by a friend of mine, Suzy Arrington. That tradition started because Jonah saw Maren's rings and wanted one for himself. Later they can wear rings on a chain or give them to their kids. This is not my orginal idea. Got it from my sister-in-law.
6. Personalized Back Packs. I like to give these to little kids. They see their older siblings, cousins with these and they love carrying their own. Plus--it is great for parents. No toys to clean up and store.
7. Gift Certificates to movies, plays, museums, cultural events. Again--a gift that doesn't clutter the house.
8. Pajamas. Love to give and love to get them. My favorite are Gilligan and O'Malley from Target and Vera Wang at Kohl's. Love the Vera Wang stuff--especially anything in purple. Don't own any--yet. Cool PJ bottoms for men.
9. Music. I love giving CD's of things I know others will like but may not know about. I like giving Carla Bruni, Chris Botti, Herbie Hancock, and local artists. Maybe I'll have to switch to downloads soon.
10. Puppets. Better than stuff animals, puppets encourage storytelling and playacting and reading. Tell your child to make the puppet read aloud a page of the story and then have the child read in his/her normal voice. If I was ahead of the game, I would make my own. I have a feeling my friend Elena from http://www.frenchtoastgirl.com/ will be making some puppets this year. Someday I want to own an Elena Nazzaro puppet and have a stand for it. Sculptural art.
11. Clothing. I still love to dress people up. Maybe it isn't the best thing to give. People tend to have their own ideas of what clothes they like, but at least Mark likes the clothing I get for him. And I like to see him wearing the stuff I picked out for him.
12. Something homemade. It has been awhile since I have done this, but I do like to put the effort in and have it received. Past offerings: stories, knit sweaters, salsa or hot pepper jelly, jewelry, framed photos, felted mittens or slippers, poems. If I didn't make it, then it is fun to give something made by local artists.

paper, music, lights

2008-12-17T09:08:00.009-05:00

Paper:

First off, let me say that I cringe at most holiday wrapping papers. I guess it stems from years working in fabric design. I think most wrapping paper is tacky. Where is William Morris when you need him or M.C. Escher for that matter. Or Even Keith Haring--now that would be fun paper. And the red and green combo doesn't work for me. If it was up to me, I would wrap everything in brown paper with satin or velvet ribbons in shades of plum or chocolate with a little jute twine and/or gold cord for contrast. A brown gift tag with plum spirals and gold accents. A muted palate with lots of texture. Mark doesn't like the brown paper look. He thinks it is a step above wrapping in newspaper.

I saw some lovely wrapping paper at Pottery Barn displays this year. It looked like birch bark and had great red velvet ribbons around it. They didn't have it for sale though. Last year, they had graphic black and white paper with some presents wrapped in newspaper. I took pictures of that display to show Mark.

What I end up wrapping presents in is IKEA black and white paper. It seems to represent the dark/light themes of the solstice. This year I have striped, big dots, and checker board. I use one for thewrapping and a contrasting paper for the tag. Then I dress it all up with brightly colored (but not Christmas colored) curly ribbons. It is fun and graphic looking. I have a few presents wrapped in brown paper that I decorate with the black and white stuff.

Music:

I do love me some Christmas music though. I have a huge collection of Christmas music. Every year I get a new Christmas Album. There is something about a good carol. And I listen to them when I wrap and when I cook. Basically I listen to nothing else from Thanksgiving until Christmas. If anyone has any good recomendation for albums, I am listening. I think my favorites are The Roches, Sarah McLachlan, Charlie Brown. I also like playing Christmas music on my friend's piano. I took piano lessons for 7 years and can't play a lick, but I can pick out Christmas carols. Maybe I should rent a piano every December. My favorite carols are Oh Holy Night, What Child is This, Santa Baby, So This is Christmas, and Grown-Up Christmas List.

Lights:

I have a hard time with outdoor lights. I like them, but I am looking for the perfect and doable light display. I like it simple and classic. White. No gymnastics on the roof. Every year we put out colored lights. Mostly purple and teal--leftovers from a themed tree gone wrong. We don't have any lights out this year. Mark has had to work a riduculous amount of hours this month, so it just didn't get done. But it keeps me looking over other people's lawns and wondering what my ideal display would be. No blow-up Santas, no grapevine animals, or creche scenes. I like a lit wreath and a greens and light covered lamppost. Maybe some greenery at our second story windows and some candles. I do like our tree and Moravian star in the front window--that is there. The Moravian star is decoration that is native to our home town of Lititz.

Maybe if they weren't so expensive, I'd just get a bunch of them and hang them from our two trees out front. I like them the best. The warm glow is so pretty on a dark night. And it reminds me of childhood.

Gift Receiving

2008-12-17T08:37:00.004-05:00

I had a post about gift giving. Here is my post on receiving (to complete the cycle). I know what gifts I like to recieve. Part of this is that they are things I won't buy myself--or rarely do. In keeping with the songs Favorite Things and Twelve days of Christmas, I've picked out my 12 favorite presents--not in any order.

1. Pajamas
2. A book of Poetry (Mary Oliver this year)
3. A cookbook (Last year my choice was Bobby Flay's Mesa Grill. This year it is Jamie at Home)
4. Books or GC to a bookstore. This year I want the new Wally Lamb novel. He is one of my very favorite writers.
5. CD. I still have not gotten used to the whole MP3 download thing. I have an iPod, but my brain still operates in CD mode. I like getting something unusal that I don't already have to round out my rather staid collection. Maybe Dolly Parton or Miles Davis or Nina Simone or a Soundtrack Album I can play while cooking dinner.
6. Cooking gadgets or items. This year I would like mini spatulas. I keep breaking mine. I have looked around for them, but haven't found them--otherwise I would stuff my own stocking. Mark got me a pair kitchen scissors. I have a working pair but the handle is broken and he seems to think I need a new pair.
7. Bath stuff. I am a girl. Gotta have my bath stuff. But I have become more particular over the years. I love Bath and Bodyworks Vanilla Lavendar Bubble bath, but I also love the handmade soaps at Radiance--especially a scent called Moondance.
8. Uncle Ken's Homemade Salsa. This used to be one of the Pollyanna style presents at our extended family gathering, but my sister and I fought over this so much, that Uncle Ken had to start giving it out to everyone.
9. Wine. Cheese is also accepted. This year, Maren asked for her own personal hunk of Parmagiano Reggiano cheese in her stocking instead of chocolate. She and I also came up with an idea for a cheese advent calendar, but we have to figure out a way to actualize that. She and I are big fromage queens. Maybe I could do a wine advent calendar as well. Hee hee! At any rate, I think that leaving wine and cheese for Santa would net bigger gifts.
10. A sweater. There is something about getting a new sweater for Christmas. Especially if the person you are getting it from has a good sense of what is tacky and what isn't.
11. A necklace. My in-laws normally get me a necklace. In recent years I have picked them out for myself, but in the past, they have given me some that I still wear and cherish. I love me some funky (non precious) necklaces. My earrings tend to be staid and non-commital, silver hoops or diamond studs. This year I picked out a necklace of cobalt blue glass leaves. They remind me of the cobalt bottles that line my kitchen windowsill.
12. A copy of the DAC slide show. My brother complies digital photos taken by all four siblings (and parents) over the course of a year and puts it together in a slide show that we all watch together. It has been getting longer and longer each year. But it is so neat to see the path we've all taken. I think we are about in our 5th year.

As you can see, I am not about the big gifts. I really like and appreciate the little things. Last year, Mark did surprise me with a sculpture. That was one of the most awesome gifts I have ever received. (Art over fine jewelry--ANY DAY!) But it is not an expectation--just a thrill.

Jill and Mark plus eight

2008-12-17T08:14:00.004-05:00

My daughter and I have been watching some of Jon & Kate Plus Eight. They live in the same county we do, so we get to see some local attractions when we watch. Plus it is fun to see the chaos/discipline dichotomy in action. I have already told my daughter that if she has eight kids, I will never come to visit her. I know my limitations. I love my children, but I also know what I can handle. People who know me, know my saying. "Uno, Dos, Snip."

That said, I love the naming process. So when Maren asked me what I would name eight children, I wanted to play that game. For the sake of our game, we went with even genders--four girls and four boys. It goes without saying that two of these names are already in play. It must also be said here, that I have not sought approval from Mark on these names. (But if you ask him he might say that about the current named children. He had some choices in the matter--but mainly the names he picked out ended up being for the kids of the opposite sex. We didn't know the sex of our children before they were born.)

This game is also fun for me, because I was playing it with my brother and his wife before their son was born in September. Now that the son is named, that game is over.

Without further ado...
The girls:
Maren Alexandra
Alma Julia
Pheobe Amarah
Violet Sabine

The boys:
Jonah Miles
Calvin Isaiah (Had Maren been a boy)
Boaz Nathanial
Reese Mathias

*Jonah would have been Anna Devon had he been a girl. When it came time to pick Maren's name, I felt I didn't want a Jonah and an Anna. Too many na na nas.

**Had Jonah been born in December, his name would have been Jonah December. Billy Dee William's full name is William December Williams. I always thought that was cool. Jonah would have loved to have been named after Lando Calrissian. As it is, Jonah thinks his name means Jedi Knight. Jonah (Dove) + Miles (Soldier) = Peace Soldier (Which is the definition of a Jedi knight).

*** Maren was named after grandmothers Marty and Karen. The old joke is that we were either going to name her Maren or KMart. Maren is also the Swedish form of my middle name, Marie. She has swedish ancestory on Mark's side.

****The name I would have named brother's baby is Ever James. It didn't make my list because Ever Wood sounds like a rehabilitation facility or a golf club.

*****Alma and Mathias are family names. Alma was my paternal grandmother. Mathias was the middle name of Mark's maternal grandfather. Nathanial is a derivitive of my brother Nathan's name.

Gift giving

2008-11-28T09:51:00.004-05:00

Above is a message about holiday gift-giving. Stop shopping. In this time of economic hardship for so many, it is time to return some thought to the process that has become automatic. We are all looking for meaning in our religious traditions. This holiday season, why not stop and think about the way you spend your money and time. What are you really giving? What do you take away from the holidays?

I am not going to stop shopping, but we have reduced the number of people we shop for. I would like to replace those gifts with something meaningful. Also, the gifts I do buy? I am rethinking about where I shop and how I spend my money. Rather than going to the catalogs for all my presents, I am seeking out local stores and businesses in my area. The Susquehanna Sustainable Business Network has a new brochure of businesses in my area. These include organic farmers, stores that stock free trade gift items, and local businesses.

Our family has a book exchange among the kids ages 2 months-14 years. All of them are readers and they get plenty of toys, so the books are something they actually look forward to each year. I usually put a big order into an online bookstore. Maybe I will again this year, but I am starting to think in new ways. We have an independent bookstore that is not too far away from us that sells new and used books. It is possible I will try them first.

The purpose of this post is not to make people feel guilty in a time where we are all already bogged down with dictates of culture and restraints of finances. But maybe we question the way we do things this year. Then we formulate a plan for next year. Maybe I'll seek out my books earlier--keep a list in my purse for when I do have more physical time and more time before my deadline.

In the meantime, I have bought some items at local stores. That is a step in the right direction. And if after watching the above video, anyone wants to give me a certificate for some homemade curry, color me grateful.

AS you can see...

2008-11-12T16:10:00.002-05:00

I kinda dropped the ball on NaBloPoMo. But I am writing. Good thing when you call yourself a writer. And I scheduled some studio time to paint. Good thing when you call yourself a painter. (I haven't finished a painting since March.) I am hoping I'll have something to show for myself soon.

Also did a whole bunch of workshops recently. It is hard in this economy to fill my workshops, but I have been doing them as long as someone shows up. The energy is wonderful for me and--dare I say--the collective. Last night's healing workshop created some great vibes, and I sent it out to friends of mine who need some healing right now.

So moving into the holidays, I am taking a very gentle approach. I am getting things done. They may not always measure up to my intentions, ambitions, or proclamations, but I am moving forward.

Pinch me!

2008-11-05T19:16:00.000-05:00

Folks who know me, won't be surprised that I voted for Hillary in the primaries. Though I was disappointed that she didn't get the nomination, switching my allegiance to Barak was not difficult. As Gloria Steinem said (Paraphrasing here) we had an embarrassment of riches from which to choose. I was more excited about either of the two presidential candidates for the Democratic party than for any in recent years. But after seeing Barak Obama give his victory speech, I am glad that he won over Hillary.
First, I want to start off by saying that he gave his speech in the same park where I ended my marathon 5 years ago. So that place has significance to me as a place where you end a LONG journey. (I never again ran a race over 5 miles.) I overcame a lot to run in that race, and to this day it ranks right up there with the birth of my daughter in the enormity of the physical challenge and the high when it was over. So enter into my personal temple of endurance, the first black president-elect of this country and his family. I saw the looks on the faces of the people of that park. I have known the scars that slavery has had on this country. I just finished reading a book on Lincoln, so I feel refreshed in that history. Sometimes, we don't know how hard an opression is and how it affects all of us (white or black) until it is lifted. Maybe I would have felt the same way to see a woman up there. But one thing that is in Obama's favor over Hillary, is the way the world is looking at us and seeing that we have challenged the old regime. A woman could have accomplished that, too, but another Clinton couldn't.

I received an email of Michael Moore's "Pinch Me" letter from the same woman who sent me the prayer a few days ago. Ordinarily Michael Moore's tactics turn me off. As much as I agree with his message, I think he goes overboard and alienates the very people he is trying to persuade. Or maybe he is just trying to embarrass--in which case he is accomplishing his goals. But this letter really expressed the way I was feeling. In a word--expansive.

Here is my favorite paragraph from the letter.

The arts and the artists will not be seen as the enemy. Perhaps art will be explored in order to discover the greater truths. When FDR was ushered in with his landslide in 1932, what followed was Frank Capra and Preston Sturgis, Woody Guthrie and John Steinbeck, Dorothea Lange and Orson Welles. All week long I have been inundated with media asking me, "gee, Mike, what will you do now that Bush is gone?" Are they kidding? What will it be like to work and create in an environment that nurtures and supports film and the arts, science and invention, and the freedom to be whatever you want to be? Watch a thousand flowers bloom! We've entered a new era, and if I could sum up our collective first thought of this new era, it is this: Anything Is Possible.

Can you imagine equating the election of a president with artistic blossoming? And lest you think it is a joke, I received this letter in the evening. Earlier today, in the dawn of this new administration, I sat at my computer and wrote like I haven't been able to write in months. I probably produced more pages than I have in 6 months total. Wow! Pinch me.

Tension

2008-11-04T12:05:00.001-05:00

I have been on edge for a while now. I don't like when things are up in the air. Election season is just that--a time of unknown variables. And it is contentious. With so many friends on either side of the fence, I am afraid to speak my mind. I was recently at a book club with women I am getting to know. I'd been warned away from bringing up politics. But the conversation turned to Sarah Palin. Slowly, we all started to voice our disappointment. For some it was outrage. We had common opinions, but good manners had kept us from an open discussion. I bring this up not to showcase my own, "Do you think I am that stupid?" moment when her candidacy was announced, but to say that this election, and most elections, bring up divisiveness. Walking to the polls today, I thought, I am really excited to be casting my vote, but mostly I am glad to end the phone calls, the political ads, the speculation, the picking sides. I am ready for some mending on all fronts. Walking out of the polls, I was able to breathe the fresh air and let go of some of the tension I had been holding onto.

Prayer for Election

2008-11-03T06:38:00.006-05:00

In between all the emails and phonecalls, I received for the election, I received a note from a friend with the following prayer attached. It comes from a translation of the original Aramaic of the line "Thy Kingdom Come" from the Lord's prayer. I did a little research (Google: Aramaic translation Jesus Prayer) and found that the Lord's prayer "Our Father..." has many translations. The Aramic language is rich with layered meanings, so that translations are varied and complex. (Something I was not told as a child when I had to memorize THE perfect prayer.) I am sure that this election, when so many people are struggling, will inspire many diverse prayers. For me, this prayer of unity and peace speaks to my needs and hope for our country. Thank you, Linda for sending it to me.

From the ARAMAIC PRAYER of Jesus
Tey Tey Malkutah
(Usually translated as THY KINGDOM COME)
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Create your reign of unity now-
through our fiery hearts
and willing hands.

Let your counsel rule our lives,
clearing our intention
for co-creation,

unite our “I can” to yours, so that
we walk as kings and queens
with every creature.

Desire with us and thru us
the reign of universal fruitfulness
onto the earth.

Your rule springs into existence
as our arms reach out to
embrace all creation.

Come into the bedroom of our hearts,
prepare for the marriage of
power and beauty.

From this divine union, let us birth
new images for a new world
of peace.

Transliteration by Saadi Niel Douglas-Klotz

Halloween, All Saints, All Souls

2008-11-02T09:22:00.001-05:00

Halloween is a prickly subject in these parts. People are divided. Is it satanic? My belief system doesn't include a devil. In my religious practice, Halloween is a time to remember the dead and in that remembering, to know that our lives are finite, and we need to live to the fullest. My grandmothers died on dates that bookend Halloween. October 18 and November 5. So I am already there in thought. The veil that separates us at this time is thin. Dressing up is part of the ritual because it allows us to transform the bounds of our daily life. Our church even has a parade during Sunday morning services to show off costumes. What do you aspire to be? What are you afraid of and want to conquer? Life is finite. Question your boundaries, and have a little fun in the process.
I think that next to Thanksgiving, Halloween may be my favorite holiday. This year we had white chicken chili and cornbread. My daughter, the actress, dressed up as Marilyn Monroe. My son, the sci-fi enthusiast, dressed as some sort of robed, skeletal creature. I was told, I should go as a "normal" mom. Something I have apparently not achieved in life. My mother always spend sthe holiday with us. She dresses as a clown--or some variation. This year she was a clown with a batgirl mask. She is 65, but she went door-to-door with my kids, receiving candy--enabled by the fact that she is shorter than my son, and he got to go trick-or-treating.

The next day was a continuance--a day to exemplify this life-cycle we are in. All Saint's Day. My nephew turned 12. We feted him over a dinner of (coincidentally) white chicken chili and cornbread. Also, I found out that my friend's father died that morning after a long bout with cancer. Tomorrow I will make a pilgrimage to hug my friend. My arms--a circle. This life--a circle.

Passing the torch

2008-11-01T16:15:00.006-04:00

Today, we visited my 91-year-old grandpa. It was a momentous day. My brother and his wife were down from State College area with their new baby boy. He is the 21st great-grandchild for Gramps, but the first male who will carry on the family name. So we took a picture of 4 generations of Althouse men. Sometimes, the name gets passed down, but the genes take on different physicality. Not so in this case. These Althouse men have a direct line from one to another. It was a joy (and a bit of a fright) to see. Perhaps this was more noticeable because 3 out of the 4 A-men were bald. That tells you about their physical appearance. The fact that a few of them sported my daughter's halloween wig (she was Marilyn Monroe) will tell you about their personalities. They are quite the corkers--at least the older three. Baby A is in for quite a ride with these men as his mentors.

Another torch was also passed today. My husband ran against my son in a 5K. This is the first time they raced against one another at this particular distance. My husband just completed a half-marathon in September. My son just completed his first season of cross country. His race distance was 2 miles at the junior high level. He is 14 and my husband is 40. Today youth triumphed over experience, but both had great times. Jonah ran his 3.1 miles in 20:05, and Mark ran in 20:19. I am proud of my guys. I won't tell you who I was rooting for.

NaBloPoMo (II)

2008-11-01T16:13:00.001-04:00

If I can figure out how to get the NaBloPoMo badge back on my website, I am going to attempt 30 blogs again this month (NOVEMBER!). They will most likely be short, but I want to connect with words again and this commitment is a good way to start.

More pictures

2008-10-13T10:59:00.001-04:00

Fall Fairy

2008-10-13T10:43:00.006-04:00

This weekend was a glorious fall weekend. My daughter and I decided to do an outdoor photo shoot of her in her ballet costumes. We were aiming for a fall fairy look. I took hundreds of pictures, so it is no surprise that we got some that turned out really well. I would love to paint some pictures of some of these. I think my friend Elena Nazzaro's style would work extremely well--not that I could duplicate it even if I wanted to, but she has done inspiring work in the past with fairies and curly haired girls. My daughter has always been an outrageously delightful model for me. She is game for anything. The actress-in-her knows how to give the director-in-me what I want. She also gives recommendations for certain shots I never thought of but that she would like to try. She's a great kid, and I love documenting her childhood in these fanciful ways.

Forbidden Love--the postscript

2008-10-10T12:20:00.001-04:00

I am going to make homemade pumpkin ice cream. Let's see my family wrestle with that dichotomy.

Forbidden love

2008-10-10T11:57:00.006-04:00

Have you ever been in love, but your family disapproves quite vociferously? Okay, well I haven't...until now. It's fall. A glorious time to be a foodie. Except for one fact: my family hates winter squash in any form. Now my kids have learned to like a lot of foods over the years. Squash will not be one of them. Why? Because my husband carries on. If I serve eggplant which my kids hate and Mark likes, he will tell them to eat it; it's good. But with squash, he vehemently defends their rights to mutiny at the dinner table. Now, really, I have never been one to care about specific dislikes when cooking for my family. That may sound cruel, but out of the three of them, someone is bound to object. Daughter dislikes barbecue sauce and mashed potatoes, but likes escargot and calamari. Son likes chili and ribs but is only recently learning to like salads. And husband doesn't like: corn (unless it is fresh creamed), winter squash, sweet potatoes, blueberries, cooked carrots or cauliflower or broccoli, peas, sauerkraut (except in a reuben), blue cheese, or lentils. (I am sure this is not the complete list.)
So my solution to all of this has always been to cook a variety of foods. Like the weather in Pennsylvania, if you don't like what you get--wait a day. I try to use ingredients in unique ways, varying my presentation of said disdainful food so that the customer may find one preparation tolerable. That's how we found out that Mark likes fresh creamed corn and reubens.
Back to the romance. I made a recipe last night that was easy and to die for: Spaghetti Squash gratin. I adapted it from Wegman's website. Nuke the squash, spoon it into a dish with some grated asagio cheese, fresh herbs (which I still have), light cream cheese. Bake. Voila. Perfection. Served it will some sausage. We had Kielbasa, but smoked sausage would have been a good choice, too. I don't often post recipes, but I will for this one because I loved it so much. Alas, I am banned from making it ever again, but lucky for me, I got to eat all the leftovers for lunch today. Think of me when you are eating this or better yet--invite me over.

Spaghetti Squash Gratin (aka Romeo)

SERVES 8 ACTIVE TIME: 15 min TOTAL TIME: 45 min
1 spaghetti squash (2-3 lbs), halved, stem to blossom end, and seeded
1 clove garlic chopped
Several T of fresh chopped herbs. I used oregano, thyme, and parsley
1/2 tsp salt
1/4 tsp coarsely ground pepper
1 pkg (8 oz) Light cream cheese
1 cup grated Asiago cheese (You could use Parmesan or Romano)

You'll Need: 2-qt shallow casserole dish
Preheat oven to 450 degrees.
Place squash, skin side up (one half at a time), on microwave-safe dish; cover with microwave-safe plastic wrap. Microwave on HIGH 10-12 min, until tender. Let rest covered 10-15 min, until cool enough to handle; carefully remove plastic wrap to avoid steam.
Run tines of fork lengthwise over cut surface of squash to loosen spaghetti-like strands; scoop out strands. If necessary, drain excess liquid. Set aside.
Combine garlic, thyme, parsley, salt, pepper, cream cheese, and 2/3 cup cheese in small bowl. Fold into squash; place in shallow ovenproof casserole dish. Top with remaining cheese.
Bake 20 min or until lightly browned.

Chef Tip(s):May be cooked in individual ramekins.

Going Green

2008-10-08T11:13:00.003-04:00

Two things have happened in the last week that have made me launch into some obsessive behavior: the market crash and the threat of frost. I watched the presidential debate last night and listened to Obama and McCain talk about the economy. I think I am one of the Main Street folks they keep talking about--even though my address labels say I am even further off the beaten path. This downturn in the economy has affected our family and those around us--has for years. Several years ago, my husband lost his job. More recently he left a job under the threat of extinction. If I hadn't left my job, I am sure I would have been shown the curb. We've had holes in insurance coverage. My brother-in-law is currently out of a job. The latest Wall St/mortgage crisis is hitting home. I am personally nervous. It's not just that I don't have the green--its that money itself isn't as green as it used to be. Where is the security?

Enter the frost warning. My garden is lush with herbs. Beautiful. Verdant. Thriving now that the days aren't so hot and dry. It is a bounty I don't want to squander. I don't know what the economic future will bring, but I have herbs. NOW! So with my trusty pug, kitchen shears, and a large basket I go to harvest what may be my last harvest. The stuff comes in by the bucket full. But what to do? With apples I can make pie or sauce. Some herbs can dry, but I am not looking for dry herbs. So, I plug in my food processor, empty my freezer of all kinds of nuts, get out my trusty jug of olive oil, and do the only thing I know to do. I make pesto.

Walnut Parsley pesto
Lemon Arugula pesto
Sage-basil pesto
Oregano-Chive pesto
Tarragon Pesto
Mint almond Pesto
(I already made and froze traditional basil pesto in September.)

I didn't have enough containers, so I started freezing batches in ice cube trays and then popping them into freezer bags. You wouldn't believe the shades of green I encountered. Sage basil was olive in color because I added some purple basil to the mix (Think $5 bill). The oregano was the lightest, most yellow. Mint was dark too, more like evergreen. The arugula was perhaps the brightest green because of the fact that I blanched my arugula before using. And after each batch I taste-tested on a cracker with goat cheese. My palate got a little tired, so I really can't pronounce a favorite. I really liked the tarragon, but that was my first.

So, now I've socked some green away for winter. Looking back at the products of my two-day surge with the food processor, I admit the obsessiveness of it all. My freezer is basically green and red (from a similar bout of tomato mania). Who does that? But, if economic conditions persist, I can feed my family with a box of spaghetti or a cup of cornmeal. And, who knows, maybe the garlic in pesto will keep the financial scavengers away.

Haiku with sullen teenager

2008-10-05T19:41:00.004-04:00

My son didn't want to go to the country music Fall Fest. We forced him. I have pictures of him reading his book while his sister is dancing. It was a long day. I tried to entertain him in the lull between singers. Save him from his boredom. I sent him a text on his new phone.

Lets have a Haiku contest. Best Haiku wins. Loser buys winner a funnel cake.

He sent a text response.

how about we not
its not a good idea
and I don't want to

I bought him a funnel cake.

Country Poet

2008-10-05T19:36:00.002-04:00

This weekend started off at the Lancaster Literary Guild with a poetry reading from Barbara Buckman Strasko, Lancaster's Poet Laureate. Sam Atlee also read some of his shorts stories. I ended the weekend by going to a country music concert with many artists and headlined by JoDee Messina.
Poetry and country music. Makes me want to get dressed tomorrow in a black turtleneck accessorized with a rhinestone belt.

Finally. . .

2008-09-27T20:55:00.003-04:00

School started for my son on August 25th and for my daughter on September 2nd. It is has taken me a month to acclimate to all of it. It was a month of transition. My son is involved in a new sport. My daughter finished up the dinner theater run on September 13th. (I am not going to tell you how many miles I put on my car.) Her new school started in a staggered start, first with the cyber portion and then gradually with the performing arts sector. As of last week, the list of needed school supplies was still trickling in. I think we got it all covered from notebooks, to sketchbooks, to sports clothes, to dance tights and shoes.

It was a new experience for me to be my daughter's home facilitator. I am not homeschooling. She has teachers. But the first weeks of her school were spent learning the technology of such an educational environment. We had to learn to record her voice for her French class. She needed to take screen shots, scan drawings, and learn PowerPoint. She needed to figure out how to link up to attend scheduled chats and how to upload her picture so she could be represented visually by something other than a smiley face. Sending emails, IM's--all new to her. That was just her technical education. She (and I, too) are learning to use our time effectively. In a cyber school, she doesn't get a break to move around. She is sitting before a computer most of the day. That gets hard for a girl who has some attention issues. (Did I mention that she, at least in part, gets that from her mother?) Just this past week, she has begun to work more independently, freeing me up to get some of my work done. Still, I am looking over her shoulder, answering my facilitator mail, and fixing lunches and snacks.

I don't begrudge this work. She is getting a top notch arts education two days a week at the performing arts school. I know that she really must want this, because the nature of the cyber school is such that it takes the remaining five days for her to get it all done. No days off. Part of my personal code is to promote arts education and to encourage women and children to use art to express themselves in ways that empower them to live more fully. Even if I am not getting my own artwork done as much as I would like, I feel as though I am moving forward on my life's agenda.

I don't think I am a particularly selfless mother. In some ways I think I am downright unsuited for the task. I am undisciplined, unkempt, and unorganized. (Did I mention that during this month of adjustment I took my son to the wrong orthodontist office, my daughter to the wrong birthday party and managed to forget my purse when going school shopping?) I am also unwilling to give up my own agenda. (I do modify my course of action, but never surrender entirely.)

Still, I am learning to surrender to the way life is for me at this point in my journey. I won't always have the kids at home. My son had a birthday last week. In two years he will be driving. In the next presidential election, he will be voting. So, I am learning to let go of expectation. Perhaps I won't be able to take the art world and literary world by storm. (The fact that I am trying to tackle both at the same time should be grounds for a) divorce b) commitment into a mental facility or c) a sitcom starring Tina Fey. So, I am taking things slowly. Next week I will attempt to write, paint, and exercise. I don't remember the last time I have written, painted and exercised in the same week. I also am going to go to my son's sporting event, be my daughter's facilitator, take on the hosting responsibilities for a Lancaster Literary Guild event, teach a class, meet with my art coach, and help with classic film/dinner night at my daughter's school. And yet I feel calm and positive about the week ahead. In comparison to weeks past, I am optimistic that I will find some equilibrium.

Cyber School

2008-09-15T09:12:00.003-04:00

Today is my daughter’s first day at her performing arts school. I am so excited for her. Even the air at the school has the quality of enrichment. I can’t wait for the long drive home to hear of her exploits.

Energetically speaking, the last two weeks have been scattered. Maren’s play run ended over the weekend. Good timing. I won’t be lurking in the back lots of the theater at 10:30 at night any more. For some that may be an early night, but I wake each morning at 5, so it seemed strange for me to be conscious, much less out and about. My son started his school before the Labor Day holiday. Luckily for both of us, he is in the third year of Middle School. So as we experience novelty with his sister’s education, his is stable and a repetition of years past. To supplement the performing arts school, my daughter has been doing cyber school. After today she’ll be on a schedule of three days a week online and two days a week at the physical school (an hour from our house). Though she has teachers, I have been given the title and responsibility of home facilitator. I am thinking of having that title printed on my business cards and given its own paragraph on my resume now that I see the effort it requires.

I realize that it will take us some time to learn to navigate the system to a point where we are fluid and Maren is more independent. I am used to having my days to accomplish my own agenda. In my mind, there was this pleasant little scene. Maren would be doing her school work at the efficient work station we set up for her in the dining room. I would be nearby on my laptop, floating over to her like a fairy godmother when needed. Somehow, I blocked out the way we typically interact with each other when frustration runs high.

Day one: the sites were bogged down by keen new students. While we waited for page after page to reload, Maren was rolling on the floor with the dog.
Day two: I banned her from going to her room between or during lessons.
Mom, I’m stuck.
Don’t mention the fact that I am flowing with my work only to have it interrupted time and time again. Maren’s teacher called to check on her progress since she hasn’t seen any work in math or science. Whoops. We thought we had submitted it. I am pretty savvy on the computer—or so I thought. We are learning together. The great joy has been to listen to the French lectures together and then to roam the house speaking in tongues: English, French and Franglais.
Comment ca va?
Ca va, et toi?
Pas mal.
This is all sure to be an adventure.

Tapas

2008-08-19T09:58:00.003-04:00

Hubby and I did the tapas restaurant for our anniversary. We went to our first tapas restaurant 3 years ago in Puerto Rico. In fact, we went to 4 tapas restaurants in PR. We went to Culturas in Lancaster which has been open about 6 months. Being someone who like to order off the specials board--give me something different!--I really like the ideas of trying many different plates of food. We tried the fried avocado with balsamic reduction and wasabi cream. A much better use of avocado was as a dip for the crab and cream cheese packets. Avocado is so luscious that frying proved to be overkill. The same dish would have been delightful as a plantain under all that sauce. But the fillet Mignon kebab with Peruvian corn (bigger, starchier kernels--more like lima beans) was unique and fun. The ceviche was refreshing. Our favorite dish was probably the potatoes stuffed with ground beef, egg, black olives and raisins. We toasted with a bottle of Argentinian Malbec, and topped it all off by splitting a piece of chocolate cake. All said, the meal was reasonably priced. The atmosphere and decor were inviting. I'm not usually one to write restaurant reviews, but being the cook that I am, I don't journey to them often. We will visit Culturas again--maybe with a crowd to try even more dishes. But in the meantime I am thinking of having a killer tapas party (I like to cook!) for a small group of adult friends. We can celebrate the kids going back to school.

Apple Crisp

2008-08-19T09:54:00.004-04:00

I am not a baker, but this summer I've been glorying in the fruit. Just made a killer apple crisp from our own apples. So far this summer, I've made strawberry shortcake, blueberry muffins, peach cobbler, apple crisp, zucchini bread (okay--so not a fruit, but I was baking!), and though I didn't make it, I had a friend's homemade wild black raspberry pie. I also made a cherry pie, but those results were less than remarkable--in fact, I should probably refrain from remarking that I made one. Still, it has been a glorious summer for fruit here. And not over yet!

Anniversaries

2008-08-18T23:39:00.000-04:00

I have 2 anniversaries today. My husband and I were married 18 years ago on this day. That's the porcelain anniversary for those keeping track. A funny thought.
As far as years go, it was a challenging one for us on several fronts. Mark changed jobs in February. Previous to that, he was in a period of uncertainty at his old job as the company laid people off and he assumed some of the responsibilities of his fallen co-workers. It was a scary time. He got his job. My car broke down beyond repair. Then, when he got his job and was between insurance plans, my daughter broke her arm. This is about the pace of the past year. Lots of little stresses that accumulated and sent us reeling emotionally. We are a good team, but we were tested mightily. So it feels appropriate to be at this place celebrating something strong and good.

The other anniversary is the last day I had a job, which was two years ago. This is a bittersweet anniversary for me. I love that I don't have to punch a clock anymore (or in our case, write down hours), but I am little vexed at what the next stage is for my career. I am so immersed in family activities that I either need to make a new pattern or accept that this is where my priorities are right now. Still it doesn't help when everyone I know keeps asking "How's the book coming." How many different ways can you say SLOW! And, too at this anniversary, I am pulled back to the scene of the crime of my last job. I just heard that my old company has laid off a lot of people--including people I worked with and admired. I am sad for those whose careers are ending or redirected. These are uncertain times. I am also sorry for those left behind. They are working in a environment which is going through an era of scarcity of money and time (having to take on the tasks left by those who got laid off). I know it was right for me to leave that all behind. But today, I am sending out thoughts to all those who I used to call colleague.

I think that for me, I will use this day to regroup and plan out what I want for myself. Make some goals. Do some visualizations. With the start of school just days away, it feels a little like a new chapter is coming for all of us.

Moon phase

2008-08-17T15:05:00.004-04:00

I feel I am entering a period of more feminine energies.

To begin, in yoga, we are exploring the moon salutation. This was created at Kriplau to be a balance for the more warrior-like sun salutation. The moon salutation celebrates the physical, emotional, and spiritual cycles of a woman. To me it seems that we are exploring a more vertical axis, descending and opening and returning, in a path not unlike that of Persephone. The sun salutation seems more horizontal-- hero's journey across many lands.

Also, this fall, I am co-teaching a curriculum called Rise Up and Call Her Name which is a study of the feminine divine in all forms, around the world, and across time. I took this course 12 years ago when I was pregnant with my daughter. I didn't know I was incubating a girl child. But after the deep immersion into the stories and myth of female archetypes, it didn't surprise me that she burst forth in a dramatic birth and, in the process, broke through several all-male generations on the Wood side.

I am getting into some more intense creative coaching, which I am hoping will translate into creative action and product. More birthing process!

And also in November, I am again gathering with women to celebrate in Woman to Woman event which, besides being a collective of women's wellness, has raised over $7000 for domestic violence services. This year, the event has more meaning to me than ever before.

All in all, I am feeling the pull of the moon. The call to the watery ways of being a woman.

Beer Can Chicken

2008-08-11T11:30:00.002-04:00

Yesterday we smoked a chicken in the smoker. Beer Can chicken. Spice rubbed chicken is vertical over a half-filled can of beer and spices. In our case it was an empty soda can filled with locally brewed Maibock. For dinner alst night we had the chicken, mashed potatoes, red chile gravy (Bobby Flay is king!) and homemade spicy baked beans. All with the beer. It was such a heavy meal that we went for a long walk after dinner and still felt like dumplings, but it was GOOD! Speakingof which, I'm going to go for some leftover potatoes and gravy for lunch. Sans chicken--that's reserved for a cobb salad later in the week.

Bring it on

2008-08-11T11:26:00.002-04:00

Fall sports practices started today. I took my son to cross country practice. My daughter was at home with me. We logged onto her school. She is doing Cyber school this year in combination with a performing arts school (live and in person). For the last week I have had everyone's schedule sprawled on my dining room table. I have been putting everything on a master calender and making notations. This should be fun!

Yoga for Moms

2008-08-11T11:23:00.002-04:00

Yoga should be mandatory for moms. I don't know how I coped without my weekly session. I wish I could do it three times a week. When all the activities and school starts up again, I don't know how I'll afford it time-wise or ecomically speaking. DVDs are not the same. Somehow, I have to figure out a way to keep this in my life.

That's so Buck.

2008-08-11T11:20:00.002-04:00

My TV addiction is over. Our family loved So You Think You Can Dance. I don't get into American Idol. But this, we love. I am a visual person and love the movement and dynamism of it all. We voted, too. For Josh and for Katee. So we were very happy with the results on Thursday. And now my husband is excited for football season and the Ohio State Buckeyes. I wish I was as thrilled.

C25K

2008-08-11T11:17:00.004-04:00

Currently I am in week 4 of my Couch to 5K program. This week I walk for 5 minutes warmup. Then I Run 3 minutes, walk 1 1/2 minutes, run for 5 minutes, walk for 2 1/2 minutes and repeat. It is working well for me to run three days a week and have a day of yoga in there to work out the kinks. I am hoping to run the 5K at Denver Fair time. Hard to believe that 5 years ago at this time, I was in the last stages of training for the Chicago Marathon. Maybe I should watch some Olympics to inspire myself.

Market

2008-08-11T11:13:00.002-04:00

My produce stand--the one a mile from my house, is closing at the end of August. Seems they just opened! I think they are opening later and closing earlier. Seems I was just there getting strawberries. Maybe I'll go everyday until they close. Today I bought 2 dozen ears of corn. I am going to freeze some creamed corn for Thanksgiving. Hopefully I won't burn my fingers whole processing them. (I usually do.) So I'll have burnt fingers with no nails. But I'll have a taste of summer to be thankful about come November.

Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants 2

2008-08-11T11:06:00.004-04:00

I went to see SotTP2 with my daughter. The movie was okay. It still made me cry. I think I would have chosen art school guy over Greek fisherman guy, but whatever. I wish I had a magical pair of pants or even a cool pair of pants. If I were to embellish a pair of jeans what would they look like. HMM? Notice, I am not wishing for girlfriends after seeing this movie. Girlfriends, I have. Great wonderful girlfriends who I have been leaning on. Thanks Marsha, Jodi, Becky, Kathy, Jan, Patti, Sharon. If I had great magical pants, I would share them with you.

Maroon 5

2008-08-11T10:55:00.002-04:00

I am having quite the week. Quite the past two weeks. This isn't the time to complain or go into detail. It is the stuff of frustration, sadness, fear. Pretty universal. Who cares about the particulars. My friend Becky wanted me to go with her to see Sara Bareilles, Counting Crows, Maroon 5. I grudgingly agreed to go. When the time came, I really didn't feel in the mood to nod my head to any beat, let alone dance. Too late to back out. I went, and we had a most fabulous time. Someone even gave us their 3rd row tickets when they were leaving. We were ten feet from the stage for the last 2/3 of Maroon 5's performance. I could see all of Adam Levine's tattoos. Pretty cool. The music was awesome. I did dance.Thanks Becky! I needed that.

Dedication

2008-08-11T10:51:00.002-04:00

In yoga class a few weeks back, our instructor asked us to dedicate the day's practice to somebody or something. What a wonderful idea. Imagine how much more invested we could be if we dedicated certain tasks to others or issues. I could dedicate a day of painting or writing to my sister-in-law who is at that pregnant, ready to burst, stage. I could dedicate my walk/jog to my kids as they are getting ready to start a new year of school. And, in it all, I could transcend my small egoic mind that gets so self-absorbed and thinks everything has to be about me. Make it bigger. Be expansive.

bloody stumps

2008-08-11T10:46:00.003-04:00

I've been biting my nails like never before in my life. I can't even scrape the leftover food off the dishes that supposedly come clean out of the dishwasher. It's bloody. It hurts. I'm lucky nothing has gotten infected. If I bite anymore, I'll be typing with my knuckles. Lots of stress right now. Some of my own making. I think the world is stressed out now. Gas prices, the economy. The lack of proper summer vacations. Makes people irritable. Little problems become messes. My only goal for the week is to grow my nails to cover the nail beds and maybe not be so defenseless against predators.

Ten Quick posts

2008-08-11T10:45:00.001-04:00

I am going to attempt ten quick posts--here and now. Like Haikus only not that spare and beautiful.

A final thought

2008-08-06T18:36:00.007-04:00

***I do not intend a running commentary on the events taking place in my community. I hope to make this my last statement on the matter until the time when a verdict is reached, but I did want to add to my previous blog.

Today my neighbor, the husband and defendant in the murder case, released a statement through his lawyer that he is not guilty of this crime. Knowing the children and the family, I want more than anything else for this to be true. He deserves a fair trial in our system. I debated about taking down my earlier post, but I think it is a fair snapshot of what I and numerous others are experiencing as we move through this tragedy. Beyond that it is a testament to the scourge that is domestic violence. If this man is innocent of murder, then he, too, is a victim of domestic violence as it casts its large shadow over our society. Imagine a world in which law enforcement no longer needs to look to a spouse as the prime suspect in a murder investigation.

The sun will rise

2008-08-05T06:58:00.010-04:00

In my blog, I make it a point to be candid about my influences and the sometimes frenetic life of a mother/artist/writer. I have not had an entry for two weeks because the latest issue is nothing short of tragic. Two weeks ago, a mother of four (my ten-year neighbor--until the family moved in January) was murdered. She was beaten, stabbed, strangled, and drowned. After an almost two week investigation, the police arrested her husband.

I live in a tiny neighborhood in a small community for whom these events have been devastating. I have personal sorrow over this. This sadness includes watching the pain that others are experiencing as they grapple with not only the questions of a spiritual/emotional nature but also the uncertainties of physical requirements. Four children, besides being parentless, are displaced from their home. Family businesses are at stake.

I cannot begin to catalog the atrocities that stem from this singular attack. The ripples, of which I am but a small one, fan out in all directions. I was struggling to confront my new novel and embrace my paintbrush before this happened. Now I am paralyzed. How can I make meaning out of the unimaginable? How can I do something so frivolous as telling a made-up story when the gravity of such a reality is on everyone's mind? If I, a casual friend of the family, am feeling this much anguish, imagine the anxiety and grief of the close friends, the blood relatives, the church, the community. My children feel it. How can I talk to my own children when I don't understand?

But, this is not a singular event. According to the Pennsylvania Coalition Against Domestic Violence, there were 120 domestic violence related fatalities in Pennsylvania in 2007 alone. Multiply the pain of my community by 120. Multiply that by the number of years it takes a community to heal. In the past, I have done workshops at the local shelter that houses and transitions survivors of domestic abuse. In the time I have spent there, I noticed what appeared to me as a deficit of women from upper/middle classes. Domestic violence knows no class boundary. What is the stigma that keeps these women from self-preservation? I don't have answers. What I have is question after question looping through my brain.

And yet there is surety amidst the chaos. The sun will rise. I know enough about my own inner processes to know that when I find my voice again--and it may take some time--this tragedy will inform my art. How can it not? Art is the computer through which I personally process the world. The results? I am not talking about heavy-handed message or great social activism here, though that is possible and certainly within my reach. But there will be nuances--some so subtle that I, as the author or painter, might not be aware. For this I am grateful. Because of this, I know that art is no little thing, and I have to make no apologies for being an artist when humanity is flailing. Guernica, anyone? I am not Picasso, but I know that I have to be the transformation I wish for those who are in mourning--and art can be a great converter. Good art or bad. It doesn't matter. It is the action, steeped in optimism and intent, that transforms pain into purpose, into beauty. Maybe that will be the motivation that allows me to make that not-so-trivial first stroke with my paintbrush.

*Please click on the link to Pennsylvania Coalition Against Domestic Violence to find out more including the article "31 People Die in 31 Days During Deadly Wave of Domestic Violence in PA". Also Click to Empower . Your click will provide a dollar toward education and job training programs which will help to financially empower survivors of domestic abuse.

A Place of My Own

2008-07-21T22:09:00.004-04:00

When I have trouble falling asleep I imagine being in a cabin in the woods. That's just the start. I imagine I am building such a cabin. A little one. Maybe the romance of building my own little teeny house began when I saw the house on the Tumbleweed website. Much as I love living with my family, there is such romance in having a place of one's own. I imagine a site to do my solitary work--the writing and painting--where distraction doesn't enter into the labor. I imagine looking out a window at a wooded scene that becomes fuzzy as my focus softens to catch up on a new idea that is germinating not outside but in my own imagination. I imagine a loft for napping or reading and a front porch large enough to sit and rock or perhaps lay a yoga mat for a few stretches. Maybe I'll take my sun salutations out to a clearing. Some hiking trails to meander on when I need time and space to delve into issues of plot or character. I do think my place of solitude would include a dog bed. My pup is a silent companion who really doesn't ask more of me than my company and a timely potty break or too.
I have been reading Michael Pollan's book The Omnivore's Dilemma. I am enjoying this book immensely--more on this later. I went on Michael's site to find out more and stumbled upon his book entitled A Place of My Own. It was the picture of his Place that startled me. It was my imagined place. I immediately ordered the book. Used. Sorry Michael. It is the story of how he builds such a place. I know it will make the best bedtime reading.

Summer J list

2008-07-20T09:58:00.003-04:00

Oprah has her "O" list

These are a few things I love for summer

Johnson's Cucumber Melon Babywash-- We got this in a gift bag from a run. We don't have a baby, but the scent is very summery and I've been using it for bubble bath.

Night Blooming Jasmine Body splash--(Bath and Bodyworks) For when you've already showered but have gotten a little clammy from the hot day and need a pick-me-up.

Homemade Limoncello Spritzers--I made a batch of limoncello. Very sweet, but good summer cocktail when combined with club soda or Prosecco (Italian sparkling wine).

So You Think You Can Dance--When it is too hot to get off the couch--watch other people dancing the Rumba or the Pas de deux. My daughter is a dancer, so we really get into this show. Basically, our only TV show over the summer.

Dry Rose--My summer wine of choice has replaced a New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc. (Not that I don't still like them). I like the Roses from France. We also stocked up with a bunch from the Finger lakes when we went and they are great.

Watermelon Feta Salad--MY new favorite summer salad--and I am not a huge watermelon fan. It's easy. Cube watermelon, add torn arugula, crumbled feta cheese, thinly sliced red tomato, and a dressing of two tablespoons each extra virgin olive oil and white wine vinegar. This might sound strange, but it got rave reviews at my book club.

Gazpacho--Nothing says summer like this cold tomato soup.

Gilligan and O'Malley Sleepwear--Target has this great stylish and comfortable (mostly cotton) line of sleepwear seperates. I love them. Will probably be my gift to give this year.

IKEA--With the redo of several rooms of our house, we've been making many trips to IKEA. I just love going there. Lots of inspiration.

Brightly colored chalk pastels--Got a new set for my home blackboard/menu board. So much fun.

Iced coffee--For some reason, I can't make this successfully at home. So I always have to buy it on the fly and make excuses to do so.

Slow food--We are really appreciating local produce and our garden. Having made an anti-fast food pact this summer--initiated by my kids--we are looking at our little farming community with new eyes and appreciation.

Outside copper torches--I love summer evenings, sitting in the yard while our torches blaze.

Mama Mia--Went to see this with my Mom. It was truly a delight. Women--don't take your husbands. It's a girl movie. I saw SATC movie earlier in June with my friend Marsha. Once again--a girl movie. I think that girl movie time is a must. I hadn't done it for ages, and now I've done it twice. I think I need to plan more of them.

Allergy medicine--Don't tackle the summer without it!
As I think of more things for my favorites, I'll add them. This is a good start though. I have to think about music. And I'd love to hear about the favored summer items of other people. Please feel free to post in the comments section.

Vacation

2008-07-14T14:22:00.004-04:00

We just returned from vacation. Love vacation. We go to a place that is beyond relaxing for kids and adults. A friend's hilltop retreat in Ohio that is part barn, part spa, part field, part woodlands. The kids have fun playing, frolicking really. This year's pastimes included stargazing, toad catching, birdwatching, hoola hooping, swimming, hiking, treasure hunting, labyrinth walking, fishing, playing water tag with a domesticated deer, picnicking, throwing football, skipping stones, roasting marshmallows, toasting each other with good wine over grand buffets, setting off illegal fireworks, catching lightning bugs, watching the sun go down, hoola dancing (not to be confused with hoola hooping), playing cards, taking pictures, reading, and taking naps. AHHH!
It was most relaxing. But as with all good dreams, the dreamer must awaken to reality. We got home mid-week in time for my daughter to start her rehearsals for the Sound of Music which is pretty much a daily thing until the end of the summer. And then there was the mountain of laundry which we finished at the same time our 16 year old dryer decided to heave its last breath. Speaking of mountains. The Hills Are Alive with baskets of produce! One week plus lots of rain yielded one large mountain of squash. I've been gardening and and baking and processing zucchini ever since. (Apparently you can grate it and freeze it in bags.)
Every year, I try to see how long I can hold onto the vacation magic. Last year, we took home a lot of produce from the garden at Moondance where we stayed. As we ate some of our stash each night with dinner, I pretended to be ingesting that vacation calm. This year we didn't raid the garden, possibly because our own was doing so well. So I guess I lost the vacation magic rather early. But luckily for me, I took about 400 large-file digital photo which take forever to upload to Shutterfly.com where I will turn them into the annual vacation album. So I do get to look at them as I take an entire week to upload them. I remember. I sigh. Even after my new dryer buzzes to tell me that the load is done (a new feature), I pause and offer thanks to our supreme hostess, the good queen Susan, and all the vacation gods. You've given me a screen saver, a load of calming memories, lots of recipes to try at home, and the push to keep going until I can vacation again.

Blue tape

2008-07-14T14:13:00.003-04:00

You've heard the expression--Cut through red tape. Well at our house we are cutting through blue tape. You'll remember that in January, we, in a state of cabin fever, changed up our living room a bit. That seemed to carry on. Recently we replaced old carpet and kitchen linoleum. Really, these needed to be replaced years ago, but something always came first. Heat pump. Car repair. You name it. Now was the time, but we needed to spruce up the paint job in the house. We have lots of color in our house, but a lot of white walls, too, that were still painted that industrial flat white that our builder used over 13 years ago. We chose to replace it with a soft gray that almost changes shades as the day goes on and the sun moves around the house. And then there is the trim which needed redoing. Mark doesn't like it when I wield a paint brush. I get a little too expressionistic for his liking on flat walls. He doesn't mind painting, but we must do it on his schedule. I can be patient. I can! But we are working on over a month of that blue painters tape in various parts of our house.
In the mean time, I have been using the time to reorganize cabinets and shelves as we invariably have to move them to paint. It will all be good when it is done. Fresh paint. Fresh flooring. An organized living space. But this cutting through the blue tape is getting old. I'm ready to get to the other side of blue.

Perez Hilton vs NPR

2008-06-29T09:08:00.006-04:00

Last week I went to my first board meeting for the Lancaster Literary Guild. I was asked to be on the board by the founder of the guild, and I took it as quite an honor. I also knew that it would be a commitment--two years, minimum. In addition to monthly meetings, I'll be asked to attend and help at functions and to help on committees. I was a little leery to accept such a call. My kids are picking up speed in their activities, and my amount of parental involvement in these activities is a bit of an unknown. True, I am giving up PTA committees at Reamstown Elementary, but who knows what my daughter's new school, a performing arts center, will ask of its parents.

Looking around the room at the literary guild meeting, I am pretty sure that I am one of the few with kids still at home. But I am willing to give it a try. It will stretch me in more ways than just effort. Already the discussions were flying around the room. I heard phrases like posthumanist philosophy and questions such as, "Did you read that story in the New Yorker?" It isn't that I felt stupid or ignorant sitting with this group, but that I felt out of touch. A lifetime ago, I was one of the informed parties--at least informed enough to carry my own weight in a conversation. I am not going to say that having children has dulled my intellectual powers, but there is something to be said for having to devote part of your brain to survival of the young. The incessant voice that seems to play out: Stay aware in the parking lot. Eat your salad; I am sure it's the only green thing you've eaten all day. Your teacher emailed me and you are missing three assignments. Do you have your shoes for dance? Both pairs? Where are your rubber bands. Do you want to wear those braces until the end of time?
Is it any wonder that when I get a moment of downtime, I go to Perez Hilton to peruse the stupid doings of celebrities and wannabees? Now, here is where I say that I've kicked the habit. If you go to the history list on my computer, you won't find Perez listed. (It isn't that I think that smart people and Perez readers are mutually exclusive--just that my brain can't handle the dichotomy of desire to name Angelina's twins with the ability to discuss the the lineage of magical realism in literature.) Maybe I am ready to get back into the intellectual game. I used to listen to NPR when I was at work. Now that I am writing, I don't listen to it anymore. I can't write and listen at the same time. I could paint and listen, but I do better work while listening to Tina Turner or Maroon 5. Locally, I have trouble getting NPR on my car radio, but I did manage to get a classical station going while I was driving home from the meeting. (Listening to Britney Spears and Miley Cyrus would have really undermined my resolve.)

So what is a woman to do to feel smart and informed? If only there was a blog where I could get in tiny little hits of information with pictures like Perez. Last weekend, I went to the Perelman Building at the Philadelphia Museum of Art, and saw three small exhibits: Fashioning Kimono: Art Deco and Modernism in Japan, Designing Modern: 1920 to the present, and Transcending the Literal: Photographs by Ansel Adams from the Collection. The shows were small and digestible, but left me with the feeling that I had expanded my horizons. Maybe that's what I need to do: each week make a small effort to branch out and add something to my knowledge base. It may not be much, but I am a work in progress.

Question

2008-06-26T15:45:00.005-04:00

I had my first meeting today with my coach (career, creativity, life). During one sitting, I had compiled a list of roughly 130 questions to use to whittle down to one we could work with as a touchstone for our work. (She assured me that most, if not all, the questions would eventually be answered through this process.) She had me read the questions aloud while she took notes. Some of the question included:

How can I balance writing/art/workshops?

Should I focus on one area?

What do I see myself doing in 7 years when my kids have left the house?

What do I need in order to feel successful?

How does money affect my ideas of success?

How does my spiritual life inform my work?

What gender issues come into play in my work?

What is my last project trying to teach me about my future work?

After we reviewed the questions, Kathy asked for more details about my past. Why did I quit my job? Do the reasons I quit still apply? What do I think is the essence of Jill? (I had a hard time with that last one.) I filled her in on my creative and working life of the past ten years. Many a-ha moments later we came up with the question, How can I live my life to the fullest? This question was punctuated by a crashing leap by Kathy's cat. AMEN!

It may seem like a very broad question, but it encompasses so much of what I am trying to do. When asked leading questions about where I see my focus, I say I want it all. I like the painting and writing and workshop giving. I like raising my kids and making dinners. I like taking it all in and spitting it out in different forms. Like a conduit cable made of many wires.

Some themes did emerge. It became pretty apparent to me (Okay, Kathy told me and bells started going off) that I shut down when I receive criticism and direction. I don't like being told what forms my art and writing should take and this often has paralyzing results. We also discussed money which, interestingly enough, seems to be innately linked to gender roles in my mind. These roles are a big part of my process and art.

I am most excited to be going on this journey with Kathy. A former fiber artist who has studied gender roles in artmaking. That could describe me. I'm not sure where all this is going, but already today, I have written more than I have in the past month. I hope to journal a lot and make sense of this---starting with one large question.

Gentle Yoga

2008-06-19T07:34:00.007-04:00

I was zipping around the universe trying to get working papers for my 10-year-old daughter so she could perform in dinner theater. Apparently, the school district where we reside has never seen such a beast as this form. There were calls to the state. I had to visit two schools to obtain signatures from unsuspecting school administrators. What is this for again? Then I needed to get my signature notorized in another place entirely. The notary happens to be in a little grouping of shops that includes a yoga studio,The Yoga Place. I have been eyeing this studio for years--it is the one closest to my house. Considering my kids' needs, in units of both money and time, I never signed myself up. But this time, I was frustrated by the run-around and felt the need to reward myself for the valiancy of my effort on behalf of my daughter's dream of summer stardom. This time, I saw a chunk of time between the end of school and our summer vacation that I could manage a short class. The only class that truly worked into my schedule was the Monday night Gentle Yoga class, but I was going to do it. Why else would my treasure hunt have ended at this little cluster of businesses? I would trust the flow.

I have always been physically active in some form or another. I have taken a smattering of yoga classes over a twenty year period and own quite a few yoga videos. Had my schedule allowed for the full choice of classes, I would have picked something like the aggressive yoga with the hot studio and endless sun salutations done in rapid fire succession. Or maybe I would have chosen another class that hinted at a goal--restoration or mindfulness, perhaps. This is quite funny. I have never had flexibilty or grace. I possess some strength and, thanks to my large flat feet, balance. And the idea of stillness? If ever one needed remedial yoga--it would be me. First night out--I rushed to the studio-- getting there late and having to find a place in the dark. Relax. Relax. Relax. What I was hoping would come off as a mantra was more like my inner drill seargent commanding me to do 100 pushups, but I made it through the beginning meditative stillness. When the lights came up, I saw the room I was in, and the beautiful shade of raspberry paint on the wall. It was both tranquil and enlivening at the same time. A huge stained glass artwork of lotus flowers hung illuminated at the front of the studio space. This was my kind of place. Maybe I didn't have to try so hard.

And so became my weekly June ritual. I have done three classes so far. Gentle Yoga seems made for me. Suzanne leads the class so I never feel as though I am exerting greater effort than rolling over in bed, but by the time the class is over, I am like a putty creature. Claymation Jill. My spine is a slinky. My ride home feels as though I am traveling by hover craft over a meadow instead of by minivan over potholed roads. I quite honestly feel like I've just had a full body massage and half a bottle of wine. And I sleep like a baby on Monday nights. I realize I've just exhausted the reader's tolerance for metaphor. But I don't think it is a coincidence that I started taking yoga class and am writing poetry again. Perhaps my poetic devices were trapped in the rigidity of my spine and limbs. Or maybe a purple room makes my brainwaves sing. Or maybe the lesson is that too often we try for and get discouraged by the grand gesture when it is small effort that yields big results.

Remembering Tasha Tudor 1915-2008

2008-06-18T15:50:00.008-04:00

When I am asked what art exhibit has meant the most to me over the years, I always talk about the Tasha Tudor exhibit I saw at the Abby Aldridge Museum of Folk Art in Williamsburg, VA. We were down there on vacation with my parents and extended family. The month was August. I am going to guess that it was just this side of ten years ago. My mother is a huge fan of The Secret Garden. Her library includes many copies of the Francis Hodgson Burnett classic by many different illustrators, but her favorite is the one illustrated by Tasha Tudor. That's how she came to learn about this marvelous writer/artist. As we journeyed south for our vacation, my mom, still in her Tasha discovery phase, was reading a book about her life that included wonderful photography. Imagine my mother's surprise upon arriving in Williamsburg to discover the Aldridge Museum was featuring a huge exhibit of Tasha Tudor's life and work.

For the unitiated, a little background (and make sure to click on the above link): this remarkable lady lived in Vermont. She raised four children on her own in an era that was not easy on single mothers. To make money, she illustrated and wrote books. Her children put on plays and elaborate puppet shows as a way to make money. They made all the puppets and sets themselves. I hate to try to condense Tasha's life in this place, but I want to give a sense of the woman. She lived simply and off the land. She collected and wore a wardrobe of dresses from the 1830's--her favorite time period. Her idea of making a shirt was to grow her own flax. She ate a diet that included goat's milk from goats she raised. She drew upon her life for her illustrations which included several children's books featuring her beloved corgis.

The exhibit, my introduction to Tasha Tudor--other than an article I saw in our local newspaper; included short films; reproductions of rooms in her home; the huge dollhouse that she and her family created, furnished and decorated for each holiday (including the tiny valentines the dolls exchanged). There were dresses from Tasha Tudor's antique collection. Original illustrations. A display of the technique for turning flax into a shirt. The colors of the walls were rich to hold in the lushness of the displays. My heart sang as I rounded each corner to find a new discovery. This was a woman who lived creatively, lovingly, outside of society's dictates, and inside of her own imagining.

I have been on the Tasha Tudor e-mail notification list for many years. Today I received an email that told me that Tasha Tudor, at age 92, had died at her Vermont home surrounded by loved ones. I am in awe of the woman, and happy that she touched my life as a mother, an artist, and a writer. Last week I cleaned my bookshelves (a byproduct of a painting project which is the byproduct of new carpeting) and came across the book A Time to Keep: the Tasha Tudor Book of Holidays. It reminded me again the importance of pausing to notice and mark the seasons of our life with ones we love.

I hear that the Tasha Tudor foundation is working on a permanent museum to house the collections and exhibits. I for one, will be making a pilgrimage to see it one of these days when it is completed. Road trip to Vermont anyone? I promise, you will not be disappointed. As for today, I will pay homage to Tasha by enjoying my dog, spending some time in my garden, rereading her books, and spending a slowed-down dinner with my family in enjoyment of the season.

Coincidence?

2008-06-12T07:45:00.008-04:00

I started off my day watching the Oprah Soul series interview that Oprah did with Dr. Wayne Dyer where he explains coincidence as a mathematical term used to describe two angles that fit together perfectly. Oprah countered with, "There are no coincidences." She used the word in the way we tend to use it today--as in surprise happenings.

I taught a workshop yesterday on Creative Journaling for artists. It was deeply satisfying. I got to explore the art making process and connect types of journaling to each part of the process. Then--to further instill it in my own mind, I got to teach it. I left my house with a smile, telling my son I was off to work. He said, "Yeah, but it's a job you love." That wasn't to discount my work, but to reinforce it.

I stopped in a cafe for coffee before my class and had some Ethiopian blend while journaling and finishing the final chapter in the Art and Fear book I am digesting. An interesting thing happened. I put off reading the last part of the book and instead wrote two poems. It has been a long time since I wrote poetry. I don't usually share my poems. Sometimes I take bits and pieces of them and use them in my novel writing. It was wonderfully freeing. Totally emboldening. Dare I say. . .decadent? I am being reunited with my words after a trial separation, and I am finding we are compatible. Why did we think we weren't?

I went to the workshop feeling light and happy. Eight people came, which is a great group size for me. Large enough to justify my time (and gas allowance) and small enough to interact. We brainstormed about what it is to be an artist. I read from Sue Bender's book Everyday Sacred. In the group itself, I reconnected with longtime participants and met some new faces. Though I travel 25 miles to teach this class, the newbies live three miles from my house. We discussed the local school system, where to buy raw milk, and cheesemaking. I found out that my new acquaintance is the baker who makes my favorite bread.

After the class, I again felt light. I bought some herbal bug repellent in Sarah's shop. My husband loves the scent; so if I can repel bugs and attract him, I am good for all the best possibilities of a summer evening. In addition, I had just finished reading Everyday Sacred which has as a running theme the symbolism of begging bowls. Tibetan monks go out and beg with their empty bowls and they learn to be grateful for whatever comes their way. I had been looking for a new summer purse. Radiance has lots of options made by Hemp Sisters. I picked up a particular bag that was woven with colorful fibers with black & white print accents. The print has a picture of a simple bowl. If that wasn't enough, when I found out that the colorful fibers were actually recycled Indian saris, I knew it was mine--in spite of the fact that my pay for giving the workshop was going to be seriously compromised by all my expenditures. And so, with my bug repellent/husband bait and my new purse, I left the shop and headed back to the cafe for my lunch date.

I was meeting a new friend Kathy who came to the labyrinth workshop at the end of May. She is a former fabric artist who is currently taking a course called Biography and Social Art at Sunbridge College in New York. We connected on about one hundred different levels. She was finishing a book by the author of Art and Fear so we discussed the things we both discovered from the books. We are both knitters, though Kathy is more actively so. She is doing an in-depth study of artist Judy Chicago for school. Judy Chicago had a great deal of influence over me and my art when I was in college and to this day. And Kathy's daughter lives in Northampton, MA, a town I love. So when Kathy asked if we could work together--she needs to practice coaching individuals as part of her program--I immediately agreed. With my scattered art and business practices I have been feeling the need for some unifying forces and direction. Coincidence? She asked that I come up with a central question around which to center our work. (Since the meeting, I've made a huge list of questions from which I hope to whittle down to one at our first session.)

If that wasn't enough, I came home to a surprise check in the mail. I sold another piece of art--one that, frankly, I forgot was hanging in a gallery. WOO HOO! I put the check in my begging bowl purse with much gratitude.

A cap on my day, I watched the movie Becoming Jane (about Jane Austen) with my daughter. (She is a big Anne Hathaway fan, and although she is more in the realm of The Princess Diaries--for literature as well as movies--she has watched Pride and Prejudice with me in the past.) We then proceeded to spend the rest of the day curtsying and perfecting our English accents.

A day of serendipity and light.

Late for Yoga

2008-06-10T17:42:00.003-04:00

I arrived just on time to the yoga studio yesterday--after being late for my class last week. I asked the woman beside me if it was counter-productive to rush to yoga. The instructor overheard and laughed. She said she was going to get bumper stickers made that say, "Get out of my way, I'm late for my yoga class." I still have yet to get a new bumper sticker. This may be the one.

More on my yoga class later---it's a new undertaking.

Garden of Earthly Delights

2008-06-10T16:21:00.004-04:00

In the garden and in the local produce stand, the bounty is coming in, and I am in heaven. I love to cook and use fresh ingredients. The strawberries from the stand a mile from our house are the best they've ever been. I ate one the size of my fist today. It was red the whole way through and dripping juice. I ate it while standing over the sink--though eating it while taking a bath wouldn't have been a bad idea. I was reminded of the title of a SARK book--Eat Mangoes Naked. We've had strawberry shortcake; strawberry pancakes; strawberry pie; strawberry salad with arugula, feta and pecans; strawberry cheese coffee cake--not to mention plain strawberries.

We've had salads from the garden: the aforementioned strawberry feta; greens and croutons with Moosewood Restaurant's spinach basil dressing; spinach salad with a poppy seed dressing; and a shallot Gorgonzola salad that I copied from Jamie at Home on the Food Network. Jamie Oliver--in the garden and in the kitchen with his accent--just too cute for words. And his salad was amazing. It was a light meal that evening that we ended with homemade mint chocolate chip ice cream we made with mint from our garden. Tonight's salad is going to be Caesar Salad with seared Tuna steaks. Our appetizer with be basil and ricotta stuffed squash blossoms.

In other harvests, we've had arugula. I piled it on top of steak sandwiches with goat cheese and caramelized onions. I also make a mean arugula pesto with walnuts that was great over polenta and pasta. We had green gazpacho with arugula combined with spinach, parsley and dill to make a fresh taste and emerald color so vivid that it made me happy to have white bowls to hold it.

Today I picked sugar peas destined for a pasta dish with local asparagus, ricotta, and tarragon. My daughter has eaten raw spring onions after a quick rinse. Those have gone into our omelets and into just about everything else. Next year I'll have to plant a whole load of them. It was a first year for them, and they were a hit. They smell incredibly sharp and green when you first pull them from the earth. I picked my first pepper today. I have ten kinds. This was a poblano. I can make it into poblano vinaigrette or do up some chiles relleno. Since this one is solo, I may stuff it with cheese and black beans, bake it, and have it for a lunch. I have bunches of lavender hanging to make lavender sugar for baked goods. A few sprigs of the lavender went in the batch of limoncello I am currently steeping for summer imbibing on humid evenings when fireflies are nigh.

And yes, as I read this, I realize that I am just a little bit over the top with my cooking and vegetables. What do they call it in writing. . . purple prose? I can get downright greeting card shmoopy. But remember, I didn't do all this in one day. The above activity was over the last month. And it was a hectic month, so it was good to have a little glory. I am not sure my kids can appreciate all that comes to our table. They eat heartily and complain little. Both of them recently watched Supersize Me, so they are starting to be aware of food choices. We've sworn off fast food while they are on break from school and are starting to look out for organic food labels on pantry items such as pasta and grains. Eating like this--it isn't a loss--we'll hardly miss a french fry. Too much bounty on the back roads and in the backyard. I can only imagine what summer will bring.

Radical Retreat II--church in the woods

2008-06-09T13:07:00.003-04:00

I was reminded of my first retreat experiences on Sunday. We had our annual church picnic which meant that the service was outside in a shaded area. It was casual with drumming (my new drum made its maiden voyage), singing in a round, and story-telling. I had a flashback to the worship services I participated in as a kid when, for four summers straight, I spent a week at Camp Mt. Luther church camp--by my choice. I am sure my parents were thrilled that I chose Lutheran church camp above all others. Their joy in my choice was misplaced. It was probably at church camp that I started to pull away from the Lutheranism I had inherited from many generations of ancestors (on both sides). I told my mom that I didn't want to be confirmed, because when I grew up, I was going to worship in the woods--where I find the connection to the divine to be more direct than from the remote and cool Scandinavian-inspired architecture of my childhood church. Mom said I could do whatever I wanted when I grew up, but I was going to be confirmed. And I was, and it didn't stick.
Church of the Woods. I still long for it, but I have at least found a church community that honors my spiritual path with earth-based and nature honoring traditions--even if we are housed in an English-style country church. It was lovely to take the service out of doors, which we will do yet again before June is out. Call it retreat. Call it sanctuary. Every time I take a walk in the woods or sit beside a lake or walk on a sandy beach, I am worshiping in the church of my choosing.

Radical Retreat

2008-06-08T07:51:00.007-04:00

When I go to bed, I mostly imagine that I am going to sleep in a loft of a log cabin in the middle of the woods. This log cabin does not exist in this world, which is good. If it existed in this world, my mind would be able to wander to other things of this world: worries, deadlines, schedules, inadequacies of kinds. It is a retreat of the mind.

In real life, I do take retreats. Some big and some small. I rent the art cottage at Herrbrook for the day. I go to my friend's cabin with her for hiking, reading, and playing cards. Sometimes we go with a larger group of women; sometimes we go with the kids. We take a family retreat each year when we go to Moondance Farms, another friend's magical hillside abode. She feeds us fabulous meals. We take naps, go for rides and walks through forest trails, and play outdoor games like Frisbee and capture the flag. Each year, I take some sort of philosophical or spiritual book along and dissect the text with more attention than I can muster on anything in my daily life. Last year was the the book Art Lessons by Deborah J. Haynes. (This year my spiritual text may very well be my new cheesemaking book!)

I have often wanted to go to Omega Institute or Kripalu for a more formal retreat. I can imagine taking classes offered by SARK, Sarah Ban Breathnach, Sabrina Ward Harrison, or Pema Chodron. Sarah Susanka is offering a workshop at Omega (July 4-6) on Not so Big Life: Making Room for What Really Matters that sounds wonderful--if only I didn't have a a competing commitment. I could imagine spending a summer at either of the two campuses; taking classes on intuition, drumming, yoga, journaling, painting, living intentionally, writing, cooking, meditating, gardening and herbs. And, too, I'd love to teach creative journaling at one of these places. I find that when I give workshops, I get so much out of the experience that it almost seems silly to charge other people for that which gives me so much insight and pleasure. I am sure that one day I will make room, both in my schedule and my checkbook for such important work.

But I have already typed out my summer schedule. It is awash with the full workings of a family--all good stuff, too. I am not here complaining about mispaced prioroties; we are doing the things that matter. My daughter is doing dance and dinner theater. My son has fencing and cross country and meetings with a friend to work on their sci-fi novel. I am teaching multiple workshops, going to a few book clubs. My son and I are trying to work a drumming class or two into our summer. My husband is doing some races and painting the house--not to mention that job thing he does. We are getting new flooring. We have multiple gardens for which each family member has responsibility. My son will probably learn to mow the lawn this summer. And with the gratitude for a daily reality which matters, I find that the need for retreat is diminished somewhat. The retreats will happen on a small scale, including a flight or several to my imaginary cabin, but they will happen.

Artist Mamas

2008-06-05T09:01:00.003-04:00

"Artists raise their kids differently. We communicate to the point where we probably annoy our children. We have art around the house, we have books, we go to plays, we talk. Our focus is art and painting and dress-up and singing. It's what we love. So I think you can see how artists in some way raise other artists."

I saw this quote by Angelina Jolie. I love it, and I wanted to share. I do think artists raise their kids differently. We are always examining our environment and finding new ways to interact with it. In some ways, I think we see nuances about the world that others don't see. Because of that, we have trouble making the black and white designations that so many other people use to parent children. And children run up against this kind rigidness in the schools. In the fall our daughter is going to be going to an arts school instead of a traditional Middle School. I wonder what the world would be like if all schools were arts schools.

3 Hours to Save the World

2008-06-05T08:50:00.002-04:00

Eli (dog) and I just went to the bus stop for the last time. My daughter is done with elementary school after today. I am excited--ready to move on. I am not one of those mothers that laments the passing of childhood because each age is so exciting and a new adventure. We just received Maren's notification of acceptance into a performing arts middle school, so that will be a new thing next year. In addition, she is going to be playing Brigitta this summer at a local dinner theater production of Sound of Music.

As for my son, I spent 45 minutes this morning straightening my his hair. I asked him if he wanted me to add a blue streak, and he told me he isn't allowed unnatural colors of hair. Thank goodness Maren will be going to a school that allows for pink and blue hair. I think that banning color in this world is a poor use of rule-making. Anyway, Jonah's hair was in his face, but he said he'd wear his glasses so that the hair wouldn't poke his eyes. Apparently, he found the glasses (that he is supposed to wear but never does) in his locker. When asked why they were there--was he using them at school? he said he had them at school for a prop for a presentation.

So, here I am. Three hours until they release the animals. I need to get something done. My kitchen is an unqualified disaster zone. I should be attending to it, but it seems too mundane to be spending my time doing that when I only have three hours to save the world--my world. My beautiful, artist, writer, creative, imperfect, messy, mama world.

Intuitive Nudge

2008-06-03T19:24:00.006-04:00

Sometimes as writers, artists or just plain human beings, we ask for signs from the universe that we are on the right path.

Tell me what to do! We beseech the heavens.

Then comes the day when a psychic, an expert on intuition, sends you and email, subject: Intuitive Nudge, to say that "You are SUCH a good writer" and "I see another terrific book in your future."

Many years ago, when my novel was finished, but publication was still a dream, my mom gave me a book she found to be personally inspirational. The book was entitled Divine Intuition by author Lynn Robinson . The best-selling book helps readers to develop their own intuition as a tool for making life decisions and turning daydreams into successful ventures. Besides being the author of many books on intuition, Lynn gives intuitive readings (consultations) for businesses and individuals. My mother was so inspired by this book that she dragged my dad to DC to go to one of Lynn's workshops. Since reading Lynn's books (I have read most of them), I have been a fan, too, and member of her mailing list. At one point, I emailed her after I featured her book on my Mortalmom site. She in turn gave my site a mention in her e-newsletter.

Did I send Lynn a birth announcement, email or postcard, when my novel arrived on the scene last August? I don't remember. What I do know is that, out of the blue, I received an email from Lynn this week, at the same time I was blogging about art and fear and book number two. She graciously gave me tips on dealing with my writer "gremlins" and then gave me the gift of her vision in predicting a successful second book.

I do feel that I, along with my son, have some intuitive abilities. But sometimes when we are close to the subject matter, we have a hard time being objective. My son and I both knew that a dear relative (now pregnant) would come to this joyous conclusion even through years of infertility. We told her as much during times when she was doubtful. I remember writing to her that I would be the keeper of the faith for her, when it was too hard to even have hope. I feel as though Lynn Robinson is my keeper of the faith right now for me as a writer. So thank you, Lynn. I've printed out your prediction and have it posted beside my computer. What a beacon of light in the dark! Every writer, artist, or just plain human being should be so lucky.

For those interested: Lynn has a monthly email intuition newsletter and a powerful Prosperity Prayer on her website. You can tell her Jill sent you--but she might already know.